Yellars

[caption id="attachment_3488" align="alignleft" width="300" caption="Discussing yellars with Uncle Patrick."][/caption]

A couple of years back, Ellie's favorite colors were yellow and orange.  When we would go for walks, we would look for yellars (yellow cars).  At first, I thought the game wouldn't be very exciting because I had not, up to this point, noticed many yellars around.  The strange thing was that the more we looked for yellars, the more we saw them.  One day we took a walk to our local library, a walk that was over 2 and half miles round trip.  We spotted 20 yellars on that trip.  I was amazed.  It reminded me how powerful seeking something is.  Ellie taught me so well that day that whatever you look for, you get more of. 

Now that I have shared the magic of the number 13, and how it seems related to Ellie, stories of the number have come back to me.  My fabulous brother, Kip, came to visit last Friday.  He sat in seat 13F on the airplane, right next to an empty 13E (e for ellie of course).  Then when he went to pick up his rental car, guess which slot it was parked in?  You betcha.  13!  He called his dad and step-mom to discuss.  They went to a favorite restaurant they had taken us to when we visited Kansas City with Ellie several years back.  When Roger received the bill, he exclaimed,  "You are NOT going to believe this".  The total for the check was $13.13. 

I guess it just reminds me right now that I can either look for the absence of Ellie--how I cannot physically see her or touch her or smell her or hear her.  Which of course fills me with longing and sorrow.  Belive me, I have gone down this road over the last week and a half, and I am quite certain I will find myself on that trail again.  Or I can look for the presence of Ellie in all those wacky 13s or all the wonderful cards and e-mails reminding me of her wonder and splendor.  I suppose for me, right now, it is a powerful reminder that even amidst this sometimes tremendous weight of grief, I can still choose what I focus on.