The Privilege

How many mothers have the privilege to be a participant in their child entering and leaving this physical realm?  I feel wangely (weird strangely) peaceful as I sit here on possibly Ellie's  last day.  I would rather have had almost 11 years of Ellie than 100 years of anyone else.  My life is so much the better because of her.  Any pain is well worth the price for the utter joy she has brought.

This morning Ellie has had her eyes open.  She has been looking around a lot, muttering.  As I said before, I like to think she's talking with her angelic friends.  At one point, I told Ellie that she had really accomplished what she came her to do.  She had spent almost 11 years jedding (joy spreading).  All of the sudden she said very clearly, "yeah". 

At another point, as I was lying beside Ellie I suddenly had an urge to sit up.  I thought how strange that was. Because all morning I'd made a conscious choice to be by her side particularly while she was awake.  Then Ellie started trying to sit up.  I wondered whose thought that had acutally been.  All of Ellie's life she has had the uncanny ability to read my thoughts.  But this time I could not tell whose thought it was. 

Ellie continues to be awake and looking around, muttering at times.  She seems, for the most part, comfortable and peaceful.