Making Fun

[caption id="attachment_4394" align="alignright" width="225" caption="Walking home from the bus."][/caption]

Ben is so great at making fun for himself.  This school year, unfortunately, he has experienced other kids making fun of him.  Ironically, it was Ellie whom I was always afraid that this would happen.  So afraid in fact that I didn't even want to put her in the school system.  Instead, she was embraced as a class mascot, taken care of and loved.   Ellie might not even have noticed if someone was making fun of her, it just wasn't in her realm of possibility for people to want to hurt one another.

One day this fall, Ben descended the bus stairs and told me how one of his bus mates made fun of him for crying.  During the walk home, we discussed what had happened.  Last year when Ellie was home bound, the bus changed its route so that Ben could be dropped off in front of our house.  I think the change happened very suddenly and I did not explain to Ben what was going to happen before it occurred.  Ben panicked when he did not get off the bus (he gets that from

[caption id="attachment_4396" align="alignright" width="225" caption="Took this photo to see if Lotta was happy being strapped to my back (usually she is strapped to the front)."][/caption]

my side of the family) and began to cry.  Apparently a second grader  (he is in first grade) told him he always cried and needed his mommy.  As Ben was describing this, we began brainstorming what he could say to such an accusation.  We discussed how teasing can only happen if you THINK you are being teased.  "So?  Everybody cries."  Was one  response we practiced.

Ben seemed to feel somewhat resolved after our conversation.  I, on the other hand, fretted about it for the rest of the day.  I felt upset that Ben had been teased about that time in our family, a time when it felt like we were particularly raw and vulnerable.  I couldn't let it go.  I imagined myself boarding that hot (it always seems to be HOT on the bus doesn't it?) throwing my hands up and yelling, "LISTEN UP KIDS!!  CAN YOU PLEASE GIVE BEN

[caption id="attachment_4491" align="alignleft" width="300" caption="The lost teeth and the glasses make me extra protective..."][/caption]

A BREAK??  WE'VE HAD A CHALLENGING YEAR FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!"

The next day when I retrieved Ben from the bus, I walked up the steps and spoke with the bus driver.  I explained that Ben told me he had been made fun of.  The bus driver shook his head sadly and told me he would be on the look out.

As I came down the bus steps, Ben questioned why I had gotten on the bus, something I had never done before.  I answered that I had mentioned the girl making fun of him.  Ben said, "Oh that happened last year."  Oops.  "But, it's good because it will probably happen again," Ben supposed.

Which led to a conversation about, maybe, the most disturbing part of the teasing.  He said that his 2 favorite bus buddies laughed when the 2nd grader teased him.  I recalled the time with Ben when he laughed when I was crying about Ellie.  I told him I absolutely knew he was not laughing because he thought that was funny but instead because he felt uncomfortable.  I was sure that the girls' on the bus reaction was the same.  It truly felt as if Ben had closure on this event that he had obviously been thinking about since the previous year.

But wait, the saga continues, about a week ago, Ben was punched by another kid on the bus.  Now, I feel like I am equipped to handle discussions of what to say or what to do when teased, but when someone just punches you in the mouth for saying "Hi", I feel ill equipped to provide any kind of guidance.  Maybe this is normal little kid behavior.  Nevertheless, I feel strongly that if Ben is getting punched on the bus then I am not fully doing my job. Plus, he has a bunch of teeth missing and new glasses which just somehow makes him look more vulnerable.  I feel sort of like Ellie in these matters, shocked that anyone would even THINK to do such a thing, much less carry it out.  I keep imaging how shocking it must have been, even to Ben who loves predators.

[caption id="attachment_4498" align="alignright" width="225" caption="Do NOT mess with this lion!!"][/caption]

Once again, I had visions of stepping on that bus and giving those kids a piece of my mind.  Instead, I contacted his teacher who in turn contacted the principal.

When Ben stepped off the bus yesterday, he told me the principal boarded the bus and spoke with the boy who punched him to insure that the boy knew this behavior would not be tolerated.  Ben felt shocked to discover that the principal knew the name of every single kid on his bus.  When I suggested that he could tell the bus attendant if anything happens again, Ben thought it would probably be more effective just to go straight to the principal.  Now he's got a friend at the top who can get things done (reminds me of when I learned who to ask for what at the hospital).

Throughout this whole incident, it has felt like the adults in Ben's life have risen up to provide him the support he needs to feel safe on the bus.  Yes, we all wish it hadn't happened in the first place, but how great for Ben to feel so heard and supported by the adults surrounding him.  All of these bus incidents reminded me of what a ferocious momma bear I can become if I feel my bear cubs are being threatened.  It doesn't happen often, but wow is it ever powerful when it does.  GRRRR.