Duck Duck Goose

One ordinary summer morning, I was driving to Trader Joe's with Benja and Lotta. Benja suddenly had a phone call from his dad, who led with, "Do you want to be a hero today?" To which Benja resonded with an excited "YES" and immediately tried to exit the moving vehicle. (Ladybirding it, as I later called it after the teenager in the movie LadyBird opened the door while riding in a car). He asked if I could take him home. I inquired what was happening. He said there were some ducklings stuck in the storm sewers and his dad was trying to rescue them. I drove back home and as I neared the stop sign near our house, Benja AND Lotta jumped out of the van. Thom had already taken off the grate to the storm sewer and he'd jimmy rigged a net to a long pole to try to reach the ducklings. The mamma duck was on the sidewalk loudly protesting what was happening. Benja immediately jumped INTO the storm drain (which was about as tall as he is) and began looking around. The problem was, each time, we would try to retrieve them, the group would escape and begin walking down one of the pipes. As people would pass, I would explain about the ducklings. Many a car would drive out of its way or slow waay down in order to avoid hitting the mamma duck. When I explained to one of our neighbors, he said, "oh shit", and it was the first time that entire afternoon I felt the cold hand of doom, and thought we might actually NOT be able to reunite those ducklings to their mamma. Two women from an apartment building up the street noticed our shenanigans and from across the street starting yelling that Animal Control had already been out and was unable to rescue the ducklings. These two women reminded me of characters you would see sitting on their front stoop in Queens. They were NEVER not with a cigeratte. When I described them to a friend, she called them, Thelma and Agnes. Which feels accurate. Throughout that afternoon, they kept coming back out and asking for updates. At one point, we were able to get ONE of the ducklings out, and we started to reunite it with its mother. Thelma and Agnes informed us that animal control had said NOT to reunite just one because the mother would abandon the rest of them. We were super excited to get the one out. It felt like a victory. Benja also called one of his best friends to join us in the search, she showed up and she and Benja kept checking out all the storm drains around the block for quacking sounds. At one point, we rescued four ducklings and put them in a cardboard box. I called animal control and a woman showed up. A man rode by on his bike and told us a story of how he'd had a moment by the lake with a gull, where they'd just connected. Then, the gull flew away and was immediately hit by a car. The man was appalled because the car didn't even slow down, even though the bird was obviously injured. As animal control is trying to capture the mother duck to take her to the lake, she gets a call that there is an injured gull. I mean, the man who'd told me the story was still standing there and we couldn't believe it. The Animal Control person was much less impressed than we were about the coincidence. Anyway, she left me an actual animal control net, because there was still ONE duckling missing. We hadn't ever seen the missing duckling in our explore, but Thelma and Agnes had assured us we were missing one. (To which I took as "This is my job now", Benja and his friend saluted me when they saw it.) Anyway, this couple walked by and I once again told the story, this time while holding a REAL animal control net, and they were dismayed that one of the ducklings was still at large. And I tried to convince them to NOT be upset because we had rescued FOUR other ducklings. Yes, they said, but that ONE is still gone...and it reminded me of my family. Becuase our eldest died of a brain tumor. And I can often tell that this impacts how everyone thinks about our family and I understand. But also, we have THREE very much alive children who are thriving. Ultimately, I somehow feel responsible for how much this might impact others. And maybe, just like the one missing baby duckling, I could let others feel whatever they need to feel rather than doing a whole song and dance to convince them otherwise. Anyway, animal Control returned, retrieved their net, and slowly walked the baby ducklings (in a crate chirping away) down the street, as the mother duck followed. That morning we'd woken up regular people but went to bed heroes. You just never know what the day will bring.

I am PERFECT!

During the summer, Zibbi was in the process of toasting up a bagel. She ran off to attend to one of her many other projects. When she returned, it was EXACTLY when the toaster oven was beeping. She immediately exclaimed, "OMG guys, I am PERFECT!!" We of course LOVED this exclamation and used it as often as possible in the ensuing days.

Memory Sandwiches part 2

Here's an email I sent to the music and art teachers...

I wanted to let you both know that Madeline tried her best to keep my tears to a minimum by playing all the songs for me beforehand.  I kinda shrugged, and thought, "If she wants a mom that doesn't sob at Fine Arts Night, she's gonna have to find a different version than me!"  

As I was sitting enjoying the music, I suddenly just had moments of flipping back through the years.  I thought about Ellie in a choir concert, something, we NEVER ever imagined would happen.  As she turned around for a movement, her pants were down enough to see her coin slot.   Then, I thought of Lotta's classmate, Walter, really hamming it up at Lapham, enjoying entertaining the audience.  I thought of Lotta wearing a fancy dress and red lipstick to a Fine Arts Night.  I thought of Benja waving wildly at me before his Middle School Orchestra concerts (because he knew how I struggled not to think of Ellie and her 5th grade graduation in the same space.  It always seemed such an incredibly brave thing for a middle schooler to do.)   Such a memory sandwich of that space!!  And I was suddenly filled with awe and wonder that in the blink of an eye the kids before us will be graduating from high school, because it seems just a moment since Ellie and Benja and Lotta were performing there.  And I wanted to make sure to soak up as much of that moment, with all those wonderful words and amazing art, to take with me into the future.  I left pondering how it isn't just this ONE night, it's the whole string of them that lives on.  So, while you may be contemplating the things that didn't go as planned (or maybe you are just sighing with relief it is over!!), please know that the families that attended are adding the night to their memory sandwiches.  Thank you for taking the time and energy to accomplish this feat.  

Much love on this tired tired Friday,

Debi

Getting Recognized

 

Lotta met up with a friend at a local park Sunday.  I sat and chatted with the friend's mom, while Lotta and Goldie walked around the park by themselves.  As I mentioned previously, Lotta has requested alone time with friends.  She is not wrong, as I DO tend to chat people up.  As Jodi and I were chatting, suddenly, this fully masked little guy ran up (maintaining 6 feet of course) and excitedly asked, "Whose mom are you??"  I knew this was a Zibbi aged child, so I immediately told him I was Zibbi's mom.  He then jumped up and said, "Where is she?  Where is Zibbi?"  And I explained that she was spending time with her grandma, so she was not actually in the park.  Looking disappointed, he walked away, telling me he'd really wanted to SEE her and PLAY with her. 

Before leaving the park, James made sure to remind me to bring Zibbi next time because he REALLY wanted to play with her.  When I relayed the story to Zibbi she said, "I don't have a classmate named James."  Still, she thought it would be a good idea for her to go with me next time, because it could be a good time.  (I imagine he was in her class in kindergarten or 4K, not in her current class. Oh, the perks of being a parent volunteer, and getting recognized!)

Update on Ketchup/Catsup

 The dinner after I wrote the previous blog, we realized (gasp!) that we were actually OUT of catsup/ketchup!!  I had such a large supply that I was lulled into believing we would NEVER be out again.  Alas.  So, we actually DID use some of the restaurant ketchup packets.  Zibbi  discovered that night, she is actually NOT a fan of the "Red Gold" ketchup brand.  (Fortunately, I was able to pick up an emergency bottle, since the lack of ketchup incident.  So rest easy, reader. ) 

The Veil of Perfection

 

The vaccine I received was a one dose, which, some hypothesize has a bit more bang to it than the two dose version (where the "bang" is distributed over two vaccines).  I was all set to muscle my way through any symptoms I might have.  All night after my shot, I felt like my heart was racing.  Simultaneously, I felt exhausted and hot/then chilled. And oh so achey all over.  In the morning, I decided since I was awake, I might as well work out.  I thought it might help with any soreness.  I lived to regret that decision.  As soon as I was finished, and I'd set up breakfast food, I went back to bed.  I was in bed most of the morning.  Thom and Benja had their vaccines (conveniently) scheduled for that day, so off they went around lunch time.  I was sleeping and Lotta, determination in her voice, agreed to make lunch.  As I slept, I suddenly heard a quiet voice say, "Mom".  And I jerked awake, as you do, when your mom radar is on (which I think stays switched on permanently once you have children.)  Zibbi requested that I emerge from the bedroom to cut up strawberries (which we didn't actually have) because she didn't think it safe for Lotta to weld a knife.  I came downstairs and cut slices of bread for Zibbi, as Lotta, furiously looked on.  Lotta became so frustrated at one point, that she started sobbing and I gave her a huge hug, telling her that I knew how much she was wanting to help.  And I truly appreciated her attempt.  On the other hand, I know that for right now, Zibbi thinks I am perfection, I am the one and only one who can perform certain tasks to her satisfaction (like toasting a bagel).  I know that oh too soon, this veil of illusion will fall and she will discover that I too have struggles and weaknesses and faults.  But that morning, I wasn't prepared to let her in on the secret.  Not just yet.  

Some Shrinking May Occur

 

A few weeks ago, Benja was issued a teeny tiny h'orderves fork and the smallest spoon Zibbi could locate.  We all wondered aloud if he would get a bigger fork on his birthday, as he turned 16.  Zibbi declared that no, in fact, his fork would be getting even smaller.  I mean how much smaller do they go?  Barbie sized?  Maybe the Barbie platoon is helping her out.  Time will tell.

Expectation Levels Lowered

Next week is spring break.  I asked if anyone had ideas of what they'd like to do over spring break. Last year when I requested suggestions, everything was just beginning to shut down, and there was a lot of confusion of what was safe to do.  So, the responses were, "Oh, maybe we could go to Washington, D.C.?"  Or "Toronto"?  Just to test the waters.  We did not end up going anywhere.  This year when I inquired, everyone half halfheartedly responded with suggestions like, "Maybe we could take a walk around the block."  It was sappy (sad + happy).  I liked that they had completely changed their expectations within a year.  But geez louise, their expectations were now so incredibly LOW.  Lower than low.  Barely even qualifying as an expectation.  So I suggested maybe we could do a trip to the farm where they have baby goats to feed, if it is open (Zibbi LOVES feeding the baby goats, Lotta LOVES the IDEA of feeding the baby goats).  I hadn't expected their sparse a response, so I didn't really have a lot of plans hidden in my back pocket.  

Then, last night, we had a Walgreen's pick up to do and Thom asked if anyone wanted to go with him.  Lotta and Benja jumped up, high fived, and shouted in excitement and glee.  (You must understand that Walgreen's is maybe a mile from our home.)  Benja asked if they could take the "long way", and Thom responded, "of course".  We've told Lotta that we don't actually need to get a dog, as Benja is as excited as any puppy dog at the prospect of going for a walk or drive.  Who knew a year ago that going for a drive to Walgreen's would be the most exciting thing happening in our week?

Re-planning the Plans

 

Last Friday was a no school day.  We made a plan that after I conducted my workshop, I would take the girls to "crazy park".  There was jumping up and down excitement at that possibility.  When we arrived, there were a few people already playing, but there was still enough room to maintain 6 feet.  Very soon, as more people arrived at the park, it became too crowded to stay.  We decided we would try another park.  Then there was argument over WHICH park.  Finally, we concluded we should go home and grab the car so if the next park was also too crowded, we could easily and quickly try another park.  As we started walking home, there was a fight and things began to roll downhill (literally, Lotta was on rollerblades).  Zibbi started getting a stitch in her side and we decided she should rest for a bit.  We mapped out where we would try next, when Zibbi proclaimed that she was just not up for leaving again, and perhaps we could play in the yard instead?  To which Lotta responded by sobbing inconsolably and running upstairs.  (The whole scene reminded me of when Benja was little and so very many times we would have to change plans because of Ellie's health.)  We made a plan to try again on Saturday.  In the best of times, family life requires flexibility, a pandemic just adds an additional layer of altering plans when EVERYTHING already feels so rearranged.  

When Saturday arrived, predictably, Zibbi had absolutely no interest in going to a park.  I also had concerns that all the parks would be crowded on a beautiful spring Saturday.  So, once again, Lotta became discouraged.  As we were trying to sort it all out, Lotta's best friend texted to ask if Lotta might want to come over and socially distance hang out outside.  And I figuratively jumped for joy!  Because if we had gone to the park, Lotta would not have gotten the invite.  I responded, "Yes yes a million times YES!!"  And we quickly put on shoes and raced over to Sophie's.  Lotta and Sophie walked around the neighborhood, even going to the school playground to just be kids and enjoy each other's company for awhile.  In the end, it really DID all work out for the best.  

That Vacay Feeling

Today with a gloriously blue sky and temperatures reaching the 60s, we hiked at Aldo Leopold Nature Center.  So very many memories there.  One year we celebrated Thom's birthday with his parents there and ran into Lotta's best friend (and family).  Benja recalled how very long the trails used to seem, when his legs were shorter.  Another year, I was a chaperone for Lotta's field trip and it was raining.  Like seriously raining.  NONE of the children had rain gear.  The younger naturist announced, "Ok, let's go, we REQUESTED you bring rain gear."  (Because NO one had).  Luckily, an older and wiser naturist arrived, suggesting that perhaps the students could borrow some of the rain jackets they had on hand.  When we were outside, one of the students requested I help tie shoes.  As I bent in the rain, in the mud, there was a cloud of mosquitoes swarming around our legs.  I just did NOT need to know about those mosquitoes.  So many times as we slogged through the rain, I thought wistfully how much more Thom would be appreciating this particular field trip than me.  He actually LIKES the mud.  He used to PLAY in it as a child.  It took every

ounce of will power not to agree with the student who kept requesting that we go back inside.  I mean was collecting bugs from a pond REALLY worth all this discomfort??  As the rain, increased, our naturist, cheerily announced it was time to go on the hike.  She then noticed that the other groups were heading back inside, and I sighed a big sigh of relief as we all went back into the building to watch a planetarium show (I still am not completely certain what that had to do with anything else we studied that day.)  What I noticed today while we were there were all the noises--the distinct bird songs, the wind, the wind rustling through the trees.  Lotta climbed a tree, and then fell to get out of it.  We almost stepped on a snake, then found a nest of snakes.  Zibbi ran ran ran (she has this sometimes twisty run that reminds me of Ellie).  When we returned home, we ate brownies that were made as part of competitive bake off yesterday.  And suddenly, I was hit with that feeling of vacation.  That feeling where FUN is the most important ingredient rather than responsibility.  It was glorious.  

Send this into the Future, Please

 

I asked Zibbi this morning, "What is your favorite body part?"  She responded her brain or her heart.  

Then I asked if there was any part of her body that she would want to change?  And she said, "I wish I had more balance, I'm not great at balancing, like roller blades or biking without training wheels."  I responded that that is a great thing to want to change, as balance improves when you use it!

I asked Lotta "What is your favorite body part?"  She responded that in 3rd grade, she'd said her hair was her favorite body part.  Now she feels like her legs are her favorite body part, because they help her to walk and roller blade and bike and scooter.  

Lotta would want to change, her asthma (particularly during a pandemic where children with lung disease have been found to have less favorable outcomes).

When I asked Benja what his favorite body part was he replied, "the brain", he would change his pancreas, because you know, one that produces insulin would be nice (especially, again, during a pandemic were this is considered high risk).  

What I appreciate about their answers is how there responses are more about what their bodies can do for them, rather than how their bodies look.  It would be interesting to see how long they can hold onto that belief, that the way their bodies work is more important than the way it looks.  Fingers crossed that it will be a long time, if not forever.

Out of Hibernation

 

Today we all emerged from hibernation as the temperatures soared to 61 degrees!!  All the talk around the water cooler has been about wearing short sleeves.  Zibbi and I decided to walk to the closest park (what we have dubbed "crazy park" as typically something really ludicrous has happened the majority of our visits.)  I think it was the warmest day since the fall.  Birds were migrating north, to give you a sense of the enormity of what was happening.  It felt like hope.  Like a change of season is coming!  So many people out walking, as you do in Wisconsin when the weather finally breaks, esctatic to see neighbors outdoors once again.  As we approached the playground, we realized the actual park was still almost entirely covered in snow.  Slushy, melty snow, but snow nonetheless.  Before arriving at the park, we discussed that IF there were children already there, we would keep walking.  Lucky for us, there were only 2 boys playing at one end of the park, making it totally possible to utilize the swings.  Zibbi flew over to the swings and began pumping her legs.  She was so joyously exuberant in playing again on a structure (it had maybe been a year since we've

done so.)  She tried out different ways to sit/stand on the swings.  We discussed how sad it is that she will not get to play on the structures at her school with her classmates ever again (she switches to Marquette Elementary for 3rd grade).  I agreed it did feel sad.  I suggested that as a NOT equally good substitute (that phrase really describes accurately living through a pandemic), we could go to the playground at her school and play one weekend (assuming it is open again, of course, for awhile all the school structures were police taped off).  When the boys left the park, Zibbi proceeded to play vigorously on every single item at the park.  Every single one.   At one point, she slid down the slide and ended up flying off the end and landing kerplunk! in a big sloppy wet spot.  Of course, we both laughed (really would you expect any less of me??)  So glorious to hear the birds singing and feel the sun and the breeze on my face.  Eternal winter is over.  Spring is on it's way. 

Perpetual Hide and Seek

 

Right now when I walk upstairs, if Lotta and Zibbi are upstairs, I will hear their voices whisper loudly, "HIDE!" followed by the scampering of not so little feet.  We are in a perpetual game of hide and seek right now.  However, our hiding skills seem to have gone down recently.  For example, when I passed Zibbi's bedroom this morning, she was curled in a ball on her bed "hiding".  Granted, there isn't much time to obtain a better hiding spot.  I have not as of yet, figured out the proper response to all this hiding.  Should I jump out and shout, "BOO!"  Should I pretend like I don't know everyone is hiding?  Should I hide myself, making the game even longer and much more challenging.  I am sure I will have the opportunity to figure out all the possible responses.  

Whisper whisper whisper

Zibbi expresses her opinon to Uncle Kippy.

Zibbi wanted to sneak upstairs to spy on Lotta (who was preparing to hand down a few toys to her younger sibling).  As she raced away, she whispered to herself, tip toe, tip toe...to which I suggested might distract from the actual spying.  (I think she got that from the previously mentioned habit of Benja saying "sigh" instead of actually sighing.)  Now, we have all started to narrate our actions.  For example, if you are walking up the stair, you can punctuate your walking by saying aloud, "walking up the stair, walking up the stair, walking up the stair." Please note this it different than the muttering incident, where Zibbi started to come to the table muttering her disgruntlements audibly as she sat.  Which as you can imagine, only encouraged the rest of us to do the same.  

Savoring Together

 

We finished the Harry Potter series earlier this week.  And reading it was an expected delight.  The girls would have exactly the reactions you would want at plot twists and discoveries along the way (gasps out loud, sitting bolt upright).  The amount of time it took to read each book grew steadily shorter, even as the books grew longer, as we became more and more engrossed in this alternate universe.   I began doing character voices (the best reviews were of the character Luna.)   Now we are taking a break from our afternoon group read.  And I feel the let down of the journey of truly savoring a good tale together, where the characters feel like they are friends we worried about when not reading them.  Sigh.  (At least, I guess, there is still television.)  I do take consolation in knowing that these stories will continue to travel within my girls, as they travel into the future.  I hope they take with them the intelligence and love of learning that Hermione taught.  I hope they take Ron's humor.  I hope they remember Harry's unwillingness to give up, and desire to make things better.  And Dumbledore's ability to recognize and admit his own weaknesses.  Most of all, I hope they take the lesson of always showing up for each other.     

Jump jump jump

 

The most recent predictions are that our lives will return to a somewhat more normal state by January 2022.  The date keeps getting moved back, as new variants arrive, as vaccinations take longer than expected, as holidays increase our numbers, etc.  I cannot even think about the future.  It all feels so close, yet so far away.  Knowing that we are almost a year into safer at home, and almost a year away from a possible return to normal, I have realized that we need to make some changes.  Honestly, this entire year, I was operating from a, this is only a short, temporary, emergency situation.  So, if we need to do more screen time, fine.  If we drop off on physical activity fine.  THEN this big freeze, and I mean FREEZE by Wisconsin standards, high temperatures in the negative numbers, kept us home bound even more than usual.  On Friday, both Lotta

and Zibbi seemed to be suffering from some pretty severe "cabin fever"(symptoms:  listlessness, severe emotional outbursts without provocation, boredom).  When I tried to figure out the last time Zibbi actually stepped foot outside the building, I could not.  It made me realize we absolutely MUST make some new habits about getting outside, and physical activity.  As I changed the sheets today, I asked Zibbi if she wanted to play "bubble", a game we used to play every week.  It is where you put a fan (or use your arms) so that the bottom sheet blows into a bubble shape and then Lotta and/or Zibbi jumps on top of it, popping the bubble.  It didn't have that much appeal this morning, but when I did put the fitted sheet on, Zibbi started running around the bed and then dropping into a sprawl, which turned into me throwing a pillow at her, that if she were hit, she hit the deck, otherwise she kept running.  What I had forgotten about games like these is how much giggling and laughter happen when you are running around, so much more than when sitting watching yet another You Tube Video.  Hopefully, this increase in laughter will inspire me to keep pushing everyone to move move move (like an army sergeant).  

Raining Money

This weekend, Zibbi started making dollar bills, which led to the question of what IS the largest bill denomination currently in circulation? (Alexa says, "$100", there was a brief time when $500 and even $1,000 bills were made, but they were both discontinued in the 1960s).  After she'd made a stack, she asked how much it would cost to "buy a baby".  I suggested that buying babies, was actually illegal, and that we call it, "adopting".  A little more research uncovered that currently adoption costs between $40,000-50,000 (!?!?).  However, if you adopt a child out of foster care, then the state will cover most of the costs.  Which might mean an older child, rather than a newborn baby.  A few minutes later, Zibbi emerged from upstairs with the most toddler like doll that we have in a stroller.  Fastest adoption through the foster care system ever.

  

Family Clean

 

Every weekend we have scheduled a family clean, where everyone has a job and we all do them at the same time.  Zibbi has found that she adores dusting, and the instant satisfaction of seeing the dresser cleaner.  (I have included a photo she took to document the arrangement that she created that I liked.) She also enjoys cleaning the toilet (only the upstairs, aqua toilet, however, never the harder to clean, lime stained downstairs one.  I can't say I blame her for her choice).  I think her enjoyment comes from a pretty sweet toilet wand.  Benja prefers vacuuming (he has the height for it, where the girls do not).  Lotta loves to have a meltdown every time before we begin, to illustrate her dissatisfaction with the whole system.  So we allot time for the weekly melt down before we begin.  The greatest gift from the whole thing is feeling as if we are working on something together, as a family.  And the feeling that I am sending them out into the world with some life skills.  Arguably, the most important of life skills, janitorial (maybe along with cooking skills).    

The Late Great Dumbledore

As I may or may not have mentioned, every day we have Harry Potter reading time.  Zibbi and I are extremely into this time, while Lotta wonders if it would be possible to take a day off once in awhile (?!?)  When I first started my readings, Lotta was aghast at the volume with which my voice would rise during intense scenes.  Now she doesn't even notice.  Really this is my time to test out my acting chops.  At the end of book 6, Dumbledore, one of the greatest wizards of all time, Harry's headmaster, father-figure/mentor is killed.  The problem was, I knew we were approaching the scene, and I began crying, so much so that I could not continue to read, BEFORE he died, as he kept slipping down the wall, because he could no longer support himself.  I had to take a LOT of deep breaths to continue.  Then he DID die, and I cried even more.  It was a SCENE unto itself.  That's what great literature does, it allows you to get out all those feelings that can't stay bottled up inside. The girls were dumbfounded by my emotions, but also vaguely understanding, it was Dumbledore after all.  I guess what I really taught them was how to get a good cry in while reading.  

So Many Questions

Before the pandemic, Zibbi was enrolled in Monkey School, a circus arts class.  For the last class, they demonstrated to parents what they had learned.  Zibbi was up, and I noticed that there was some kind of stain on the back of her pants.  The instructor called me over and asked me to investigate said stain with Zibbi.  When we pulled down her pants, to my shock, the inside was covered in poo.  Super stinky, super sticky.  Luckily, I had some wipes in my bag, so we used those to clean up.  Also luckily, we had driven, so Thom jumped in the car to retrieve a new pair of pants.  I realized after a bit of investigating, that Zibbi had been employing a "one and done" philosophy in wiping.  Which obviously had utterly failed.  Zibbi begged me NOT to tell her instructor, so when we FINALLY emerged from the bathrooms, I had to discretely nod at her teacher, letting the instrtuctor know that the problem was taken care of, without letting Zibbi know that I was letting her know.  

Last night, as Zibbi and I were snuggled into bed, I inquired what the dark brown stain on the front of the pants was.  Zibbi scratched at it, it didn't appear to be a new stain, it was not in fact crusty.  We wondered together if maybe it was chocolate?  She told me that I shouldn't worry as they weren't her poop pants. At the time, I didn't question this.  Then, later, I had SO very many questions.  What exactly are "poop" pants?  Which ones ARE the so called "poop" pants?  And most disturbing of all, how could I possibly have NOT followed up with further questions at the time of the conversation?  I guess time may reveal the answers to all these questions.