Coming Out

The day before national coming out day, Benja (formerly known as Ben), started talking about the day.  We often talk about social political topics, so it was not that out of character.  I discussed how challenging it had been for my brother and how I hoped it was easier now.  Then the night before, he accidentally head slammed Lotta into the wall when he was playing with the girls.  Which unfortunately, again, is not that out of character.  He doesn't mean to hurt them, it just happens.  (Zibbi has taken to telling Benja that she doesn't love him, she likes him.  I think she's trying to say the phrase where you tell a child, "I will always love you, I just sometimes don't like what you do."  Or, she's trying to let him know, he still needs to work on winning her love.  They are at the like phase, not yet onto the love phase.)  Anyway.  After the head slam, Benja, as an apology, said, that I could go ahead and tell Aunt Susan that he is gay, as an apology.  I was like, "what??" I became super excited.  I texted

Susan, "All our dreams are coming true, Benja just came out!"  Years previously, we'd discussed how absolutely fabulous it would be to have our sons be gay and fantastic like our brother, Kip and his fantastic husband, Patrick.  Then, I worried that maybe I was TOO excited.  So I somehow reigned myself back in and told Benja that I would love whomever he loved because I love him.  The whole thing was so shocking because he had never ever expressed interest in being attracted to anyone.  Any time I would mention anything remotely related to dating, sex, puberty he would suddenly become highly interested in the surrounding

architecture.  Now he is extremely into embracing gay culture, and what that means to him--giving fashion and decorating advice, wearing numerous rainbows at a time, enjoying broadway musicals....

Eyes on Word Choice

A few days ago, Zibbi noticed the moon out during the day.  She proclaimed that her eyesight is so fantastic she can even see the moon during the day.  She explained that she'd had an eye test during school.  Now she can see the moon during the day.  Apparently this is a side effect of school eye exams.  Who knew?

Benja was telling a story at the table, and he used the word "brang".  Lotta corrected him by saying, no, it's bringed.  I chimed in, to say that no, it's actually brought.  They both looked at me like I was crazy.  Brought.  Who came up with that crazy word?  Very soon after, again at the table Zibbi used the word lightened.  And Lotta once again corrected her with the word, "lit ened".  I again suggested an all together different word  "lit" and was met with a look of exasperation by all.  The English language is hard to explain.  Good thing I have Alexi and/or Siri to back me up. 

The mysterious mail carrier...

Lotta told me recently that she used to think the mail carrier was like Santa Claus.  He was not supposed to be seen by anyone, so would sneak around the neighborhood delivering mail only when no one was watching.  I told her at one point we had a super friendly mail carrier.  I would often chat with him while waiting at the bus stop.  One day after Ellie died, I was curious if he knew, by the mail we were receiving at the time, if he knew about Ellie's death.  I ended up telling him how she'd died recently, and how it was 13 days away from her birthday.  He stopped, shocked.  He told me that his daughter had the exact same birth day.  I could tell it really shook him up, made him feel vulnerable for his own family.  Soon after, his route was switched.  And I wondered if he'd requested a switch because he couldn't handle that kind of vulnerability.  I know the world doesn't actually revolve around me...Luckily, maybe a year later, I ran into him when I was walking around town.  We were both equally excited to see one another once more.  I was startled when he even leaned in for a hug.  He explained that he'd been reassigned another route, that he missed his old one.  And I of course, told him, we missed him too.  I just think it's so magical when you actually get closure on something and you don't have to just keep wondering what happened or making up your own endings.

Strengths Focus

The day Thom left for his recent business trip, I decided we would implement a strengths finding program during.  (As recommended in the book, "The Strengths Switch" by Lea Waters, PhD.)  The idea is to identify and write down any strengths you see a family member exhibiting in order to encourage more use of strengths.  I went to Dollar Tree and after MUCH debate and texting with my friend Jennifer, I purchased a clip board for each child with "computer paper".  I like that it's called "computer paper", it makes me want to take it home and try to stick it in my laptop.  Anyway.  When the girls arrived home from school, I explained what we were going to do.  Basically, we were going to try to catch other family members using his/her strength, forcing us to think about what we LIKED rather than what we didn't.  The conversation ended with Zibbi smacking Lotta across the face and Lotta retaliating with a swift kick.  As Thom proclaimed when I described the scene, "NO, not THAT kind of strength!!"

Sensible and Safe

Always wear a helmet when riding an oversize bike.

For some reason, Zibbi decided it would be a good idea to crawl into the bathtub head first, I know in her mind it somehow made all the sense in the world.  Her hands were supporting her, but she very nearly splatted across the tub.  When she emerged from this debacle, she explained how important it is to protect your head because your brain controls everything!  Maybe even your heart.  (They are discussing safety at school right now).  I responded with how that was why having a tumor in her brain was so problematic for Ellie.  I went on to say that we do have a skull to protect our brains from occasional head injury.  Not to encourage head banging, I cautioned that the problem happens when your brain is repeatedly hit, such as for football players.  Even the helmet cannot protect their brains from repeated assault.  Then, Zibbi stopped and wondered if Ellie had played football.  I said that she had not.  Then Zibbi wondered how Ellie had a tumor in her brain.  I told her that no one really knows why some people grow tumors.  But I thought that maybe before Ellie came into her body, she decided she wanted to come here and spread love and do that through having a brain tumor.  Even though she wouldn't be here long, she'd spread lots of joy in the short time she was here.  This explanation made NO sense at all to Zibbi (but again, she hadn't really proven her sensibility either...)

That Kindergarten Logic

Thom returned from a week long business trip to Las Vegas yesterday.  Benja is calling it Thom's "midlife crisis".  Zibbi pondered why it was call "lost"Vegas.  And we all decided because when you go there you LOSE a lot of money.  Lotta declared it's actually LOSS Vegas, not LOST Vegas. 

As we were preparing to leave the house one day, Zibbi suddenly sang, "damn".  Lotta and I stopped and said, "What did you say?"  She explained that she accidentally said "damn", but at least it wasn't it's much worse cousin, "dammit".  It's definitely becoming PG-13 around here...