Father and Daughter

[caption id="attachment_3967" align="alignright" width="300" caption="Thom and Lotta"][/caption]

Maybe a month after Ellie's death, we received this gorgeous card from one of the PICU nurses, Anne.  I did not have the pleasure to know Anne as well as Thom did, as Thom was on the "night shift" with Anne while I was on the day shift.  I saved this card to share with you all until now because what she says about Thom is so very perfect this father's day.

The front of the card said, "Let no one ever come to you without leaving better."  Mother Teresa

Inside the card said, "To Ellie who always knew how to make me smile! and who, in her own way, made the world around her better!"

[caption id="attachment_3968" align="alignright" width="225" caption="Thom and Ben. "][/caption]

My very first memory was during one of her hospitalizations about a year ago.  Ellie was in a sleep deprivation marathon!  24...40...with little sleep.  Each morning I would give report and say, "I'm sure Ellie will sleep all day, she's been up all night."  I was an Ellie novice!  Night after night the circles under Ellie's eyes grew dark, she however, endured.  Resting only briefly before picking up exactly where she left off talking or peeling crayons.  Now I like to think I know a thing or two about sleep deprivation (working 12 hour night shift) but Ellie blew me away!

I always remembered Ellie after that first stretch of nights I worked with her.  During those sleepless nights Ellie gave me some awesome book recommendations.  To this day I cannot see a "Charlie and Lola" book without thinking of Ellie.  I clearly recall distracting her during a neurosurgery procedure just by asking for book ideas for my girls. She happily rattled off a complete list including title and author.  Thanks to Ellie I'm happy to share her love of books with my own children.

[caption id="attachment_3969" align="alignright" width="300" caption="Thom and Ellie."][/caption]

When I think of nights in the PICU taking care of Ellie I am also reminded of the lessons she has taught me as a PICU RN.  I am reminded of the mysterious and intricate way her body worked.  One night I remember seeing the highest sodium level I had seen on any patient only to have it reverse to dangerous lows days later.  Ellie always demanded the very best of those taking care of her.  She baffled the best and brightest and challenged all rules of physiology.  One could not take care of Ellie without having great respect for the delicate balance within her body.  She reminded us to pull back look at the big picture and really, really pay attention.  On many occasions I would enter the room with worry only to be greeted with a smile or a new Ellie word.  She was remarkable.

[caption id="attachment_3970" align="alignright" width="300" caption="Ben and Thom explore the seashore."][/caption]

I also learned many lessons on parenting from watching your family.  As a PICU nurse, I go to work and see others face my biggest fear.  "What would I do if my child was in the PICU?"  I have entertained that thought many times.  The answer I have learned from you.  Love them.

I think back to those long, long nights where I watched you, Thom, love Ellie at all hours of the night Ellie would call, "Dad, Dad..." and with patience that would rival Ghandi you would awaken from your tiny morsel of sleep. "Hey Kiddo..." you would say never with the slightest hint of exhaustion or annoyance.  It was the most amazing, unselfish, unconditional love.  I will never forget it.  Ellie's wonderful spirit was most certainly a direct reflection of the love she received from all of you.

[caption id="attachment_3973" align="alignright" width="300" caption="Ellie and Thom snuggle in bed. I am guessing books were involved in this scenario."][/caption]

Last Tuesday, I was reminded of my most favorite Ellie-ism of all.  I was leaving the gym, it was a cold, dark morning...one of those days where its hard to find anything good about it.  The man at the desk called out, "Have a good day."  I entered the bitter wind, I smiled and remembered Ellie.  Next time I decided I would stop and reply, "It already is."  I know she would proudly reassure me, "you can borrow it."

Thank you Ellie,

Thank you Kennedy family,

Ann, PICU RN and one of Ellie's biggest fans

I recently heard a song on the radio by Paul Simon called, Father and Daughter.  It was such an utterly perfect dedication for Thom for this father's day.  I almost crashed the car I was crying so hard.  And they say texting is dangerous.  Geesh.  I will see if there is a way for my technical support (aka Thom) to attach the song.  If not, google it for crying out loud(and most likely you will cry out loud).