[/caption]There have been times along this journey with Ellie that I have felt quite alone. Now is not one of them. I absolutely feel the love and support of a far-reaching community of Ellie lovers. It feels like her final gift to us, this gift of love and inclusion. From the "ellie gratitude" turkey that Ms Zwart made for us, to the hot dish Jana keeps making for us (yum), the piles and piles of laundry cleaned by my mom, the prayers from numerous sources, the delicious food arriving at just the right time (most recently from an extremely pregnant Jennifer), Mona and Lo who want to come and clean our house for FREE.
Before giving birth to Lotta, I decied it would be fun to win a mini van. Not just any mini van, a swagger wagon. Then Esther decided the swagger wagon should be filled with crayons. My brother. Kirk, decided when he wins the lottery, he would purchase said van for us. We had great fun figurin out exactly how fancy we could make it. I was sharing this story with Ellie's 3rd grade teachers--Ms Mack and Ms Zwart. Ms Zwart e-mailed me later that she wished so much that she could get us that swagger wagon and that that would solve everything. It was such a sweet e-mail, I kept it in my in box for awhile just because it made me smile to think about it. On Wednesday afternoon, Ms Zwart and Ms Cratic came over to discuss how the school community could best support us. One of the main challenges I have had is trying to figure out how to pick Ben up from the bus stop without leavinf Ellie at home alone. Particularly when I don't know when she is going to be disoriented or if she would recall that I went to the busstop. On Thursday, an excited Sue (Zwart) called to say that the bus company agreed to change the bus route so that Ben could be dropped off right in front of our house!! I was totally and completely amazed. Never did I imagine the solution would be so easy for US. I was humbled that they would make such an effort on our behalf. In my book, Ms Zwart won us our swagger wagon!
My great, kind-hearted friend fromm La Grange, Jenny stayed with us last week. I was telling her how I felt it wasn't fair to Ellie or my family or myself for my emotions to be so tied to how Ellie is doing. I feel like a kite being blown in the wind. And at the same time I do not know how not to be blown about when she suddenly becomes nonverbal or disoriented or just slowed way down again. Jenny responded that she was amazed that I could even have such a thought. And that simple, yet profound response allowed me to be in the space of not knowing how to do it, and knowing at the same time I could strive for this vision of peacefulness.
The snow is gently falling outside as I sit typing this blog. Both my beautiful daughters are sleeping peacefully. At one point, Ellie woe up to announce how happy she is. Almost as if she could feel the gratitude emitting from me.
No comments:
Post a Comment
Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.