Why don't I feel better?

Ben loves to photograph me making emotional faces. I think this one is a sad face.

Remember in the Sound of Music (one of Ellie's favorites) after Maria leaves and little Gretal wonders why she doesn't feel better yet?  That is how I often feel as of late.  Little Gretal's voice in my head saying, "Why don't I feel betta?"  Or funnier still, Michael Scott's face (from The Office) saying, "Oh, this is gonna hurt!" as he suddenly realizes how difficult it will be for him to move away.

Nothing feels quite right.  I imagined getting out of bed would be next to impossible after Ellie passed.  Instead, getting dressed is so hard.  I feel like I am 13 again (not a good year for me!)  Typically, I love picking out outfits, it feels like wearing art, making a statement, fitting the character I am going to play that day.  But lately, everything I try on just feels so wrong.  It takes me forever to finally just wear whatever wrong feeling outfit I put on last.  Geesh.  I mean I was able to figure out what to wear on a brain surgery day.  Now I can't even figure out what to wear on a Thursday.  Then to complicate matters further, it is 40 in the mornings and 80 in the afternoon.  Which means either layers or multiple outfits.  Too bad they don't sell outfits for adults like they do for little kids, where the socks, shirt and pants (maybe even a headband or hat) are all included.  Maybe I should switch to jumpsuits every day?  (Might make breastfeeding challenging!)

Thanks to all of you who requested to be added to my "emergency contact list".  Made me feel quite loved.