A Whole Decade of Brain Tumoring

[caption id="attachment_4212" align="alignleft" width="225" caption="When Thom discovered he does not like my hair bobbed."][/caption]

Ten years ago today, Ellie was diagnosed.  Three years ago on this day I wrote a blog, recalling the experience.  As I re-read the blog, this is the part that struck me (is it ok to quote myself?  Should I put quotes in quotes?)

I recall thinking after Ellie's initial surgery that I would never ever recover from it.  The whole experience left me feeling unmendable in some way.  But, here I sit today, playing office with Ellie (that's where I work on something and she works on something as if we were office mates.)  Sure, sometimes I still feel sad or despondent, but those times are much much less than the times that I feel in awe of our lives.

I just finished reading a profound book entitled, About Alice by Calvin Trillin (2006).  Alice & Calvin (husband and wife) worked at a camp each summer for children facing serious medical challenges.  One year Alice befriended a little girl they called "L" in the book.  L was unable to grow and unable to digest food.  Alice wondered what the parents had done so that a child facing such severe health challenges could be so magnificent.  As they were playing duck duck goose, Alice decided to sneak a peak at a letter from L's parents.  In the letter, L's parents said, "If god had given us all the children in the world to choose from, L., we would only have chosen you (p 66)."  Although I don't always reach it, that is what I strive to show Ellie.  I want her to feel, that she is, as Madonna so aptly put it, our shining star.

I am amazed right now that I have spent more time being a "brain tumor" mom than I have being any other type of mom.  No wonder it feels wange (weird strange) to not have this additional responsibility around me.  How ironic all the years I spent wishing for the tumor to be gone.  Then when it was gone, when Dr. Iskandar was able to (almost) remove the entire thing, then Ellie was gone too.  It was as if the tumor was so essential to why she came here that without it, her job was complete.