Happy to You

[caption id="attachment_4077" align="alignleft" width="225" caption="Ben playing at the mall on a HOT summer day. "][/caption]

Every morning before I even get out of bed, I lay there deciding what kinda day I'm going to have.  I fill myself up with excitement with what is to come.  Something fun, something unexpected.  Because here is the thing I refuse.  I refuse to be a "victim" of anything.  I refuse to be a victim to a brain tumor, or as a bereaved parent.  Nothing has "happened" to me.  My daughter died.  It was her time.  Here's the other thing.  I lost a lot because I HAD  a lot.  For 11 years.  I will not let Ellie's life be in vain.  As I have mentioned before, Ellie would hate most of all anyone using her as an excuse to feel horrible.  She was all about being jilled (joy filled).  I feel like in a strange way she is giving me yet another opportunity through her death to grow and evolve and become.  An opportunity to focus not on her death, but on her exceptional life.  An opportunity to  allowing this to improve me, rather than destroy me.

The day Ben was born Ellie was reading a book entitled, "Happy to You".  The little boy in the book goes to a birthday party and learns to say "Happy to You" (instead of Happy

[caption id="attachment_4078" align="alignleft" width="225" caption="Lotta contemplates riding in an Elf car."][/caption]

Birthday to You).  Throughout the rest of the book, he continues to say "Happy to You" to everything around him-the car, the trees, his stuffed teddy bear.  That is how I feel right now about appreciation.  I find myself saying "Thank You" throughout the day--to my car for transporting me, to my family, to my home for sheltering me.  I have even found a way to be appreciative of my knees.  My knees that I have always found funny looking.  And when I finally had the courage to wear shorts to work out, Ellie would inevitably say, "Why do your knees look so funny?"  And I would think, "See?!?!  Exactly what I had been wondering."  But as of late, I've been contemplating how these knees have been so useful in getting me around, keeping me upright, helping me dance.  Thank you knees!  So many many things to be thankful for.  Like a never-ending gratitude list.  Truly makes everything feel magical.

Here is a creed that the famazing (fantastically amazing)

[caption id="attachment_4079" align="alignleft" width="225" caption="Ben demonstrates riding with the Elf for reluctant Lotta."][/caption]

Patrick Kyle (Happy Birthday again!) sent to me.  I can totally appreciate how Ellie chose Patrick Kyle as her pretend husband.  It honored me tremendously that he said it made him think of ME.  WOW!!!  I mean this is who I strive to be.  Here it is...

Promise Yourself ...
To be so strong that nothing can disturb your peace of mind.
To talk health, happiness and prosperity to every person you meet.
To make all your friends feel that there is something in them.
To look at the sunny side of everything and make your optimism come true.
To think only of the best, to work only for the best, and to expect only the best.
To be just as enthusiastic about the success of others as you are about your own.

To forget the mistakes of the past and press on to the greater achievements of the future.
To wear a cheerful countenance at all times and give every living creature you meet a smile.
To give so much time to the improvement of yourself that you have no time to criticize others.
To be too large for worry, too noble for anger, too strong for fear, and too happy to permit the presence of trouble.

(from Optimist International on the website http://www.optimist.org/e/creed.cfm)