Watch out! (Probably not a "good" watch out)

This grief is an unwanted beast

Weighing me down

Pinning me to the ground.

Like Alice falling into wonderland

I am in Neverland

Never again.

A million times a day

I re-remember

I cannot tell her the word of the day she would love (fofaraw)

Or see a yellar (yellow car)

Or play office in silence as we content-dly focus on our own tasks.

Or suggest something she most definitely does not want to do and have her tell me in disgust, "FINE!" (Even this I miss)

Elmo makes me cry not laugh.

The clocks in the bookshop stopped on their own accord the day she died.

Her room is timeless.

The wall of love photos are de-taching themselves.

Those eyes of love no longer adore them.

The little lights refuse to shine.

The yearning is ceaseless.

Like contractions without the birth.

Perhaps I am birthing a new me, a new world, one without my sweet girl.

I know not how to navigate this wange (weird strange) new world.

I see the mothers who now remember to say "I love you" or give an extra hug, as I am a reminder of the vulnerability we all share.

Still, I would rather have Ellie back than be this lesson.  Selfish I know.

This colorless world I inhabit makes no sense.