[/caption]Every Wednesday, Thom has been swimming with Ben's kindergarten class. Last week, as he was getting dressed, a boy came racing into the locker room trying to get to the toilet. Unfortunately, he was a bit late and a LOT messy. Thom helped him get cleaned up (it was a #2 accident, if I wasn't clear on that point). He said it was so strange that he did all of that for this little guy, who didn't even know him (he was from another kindergarten class) and that no one knew what he had done. It made me think of all that moms do every single day that no one knows about. It made me want to shine some light on these unsung heroes (and on Thom too!).
[caption id="attachment_3841" align="alignright" width="239" caption="Celebrating Easter in style."]
[/caption]My mom is a crowning, sparkling jewel. She has a kindness and gentleness that I strive to emulate in my own mothering. She taught me that even if you are 50, or maybe especially if you are, you can realize your lifelong dream. When she would sit with Ellie, they would laugh and talk and talk. My mom never grew tired of Ellie's stories. She would listen as intently the 6th retelling as she did on the first. Pure love. She loves to laugh. She is THE most fun person to watch television with. Because when she watches a program, she fully commits to watching. She laughs, cries, talks to the characters. When Betsy C was with us right after Ellie passed, she commented that she never knew watching television could be so much fun. We both share an inordinate love of socks and their glamorizing impact on any ensemble. I am so glappy that not only is she my mom, she is one of my best friends.
[caption id="attachment_3840" align="alignleft" width="239" caption="Susan snuggles Lotta after the burial."]
[/caption]My sister is my back-up mom. She is my emergency contact (literally). Because even though she lives in Memphis, a mere 10 hour drive from Madison, I know that if there were an actual emergency here she would get 'er done. As an example, there was one day a few months ago, I was concerned about one of my brothers. I texted Susan from the bus stop. She immediately texted my brother and phoned the other brother. By the time I arrived home from the busstop (approximately 5 minutes) she had answered my question. She is a super woman. She embraces her life and her family. When she traveled to Madison solo with her children in the fall, they all had such a synergy, a flow that made everything easier. How fortunate am I to have a sister who doubles as my mother figure whenever my own mother is out of the country? And is also one of my bestest greatest friends.
Even though Betsy C. is not officially a mother, she is a
[caption id="attachment_3838" align="alignright" width="239" caption="Betsy stands by Ben as he shares the day Ellie died."]
[/caption]mother in the bigger sense of the word. When Ellie was going through the process of dying, Betsy came into the room and told her, "You are doing a good job." I was so struck by that. Because while it was excruciating for me to watch Ellie, unable to talk, lying in bed, she was in fact doing a good job of leaving her body. She was doing exactly what she was supposed to be doing in that moment. And it took someone with a large enough vision, like Betsy, to see that. So many times in my life when my thoughts could have gone in a less than ideal direction, it was Betsy who pointed out something or asked a certain question and pulled me down a different path. A path that was ultimately more fulfilling more wonderful.
And there are so many others who light my way, inspiring me as a mom. Jenny Behm was my neighbor and close friend when we lived outside of Chicago. You can tell when she talks with her children that her guiding principle is kindness, she just oozes love. She is another gentle soul.
My mother-in-law, Nancy, so creative and talented. She has brought so much color into my home. Requests from me for tasks that at first confounded her she always thanked me (instead of cursing me) for the challenge in the end. She raises the best sons!!!
[caption id="attachment_3843" align="alignleft" width="300" caption="Amy and Sara visit in the fall."]
[/caption]My sister-in-law, Sara, who taught me how you can travel cross country in a mini-van and arrive with your sense of humor in tact. She is a great southern lady and full of grace. My sister-in-law, Amy, who taught me that even if you are a mother you can still READ, this may sound like a lame lesson, but it has in fact been REALLY important to my survival in the past few years. Both of them together taught me how fast they could clean up a meal while visiting us last fall. Sara called it "mom energy".
My great friend, Amy Riley who taught me how to be a mom AND live a great life. She is such a superb example of balancing the 2.
[caption id="attachment_3848" align="alignright" width="239" caption="The heart shaped memorial garden."]
[/caption]My Aunt Linda, another person who has jumped in and smothered me with mother love. Before Ellie passed she wrote me an e-mail proclaiming she would do ANYTHING I needed, including jump on an airplane to give me a hug. I totally believed her and it gave me immense comfort knowing she was with me. If that wasn't enough, she created a gorgeously beautiful (Ellie would've combined those somehow) memorial garden with all of Ellie's favorite colors. She and Betsy C. worked tirelessly on it for hours in the hot sun. It was an awesome display of female power.
Cynthia who knows how to listen so well and get the underlying message of what her 5-year-old says.
Lainie who inspired me by traveling across the country with her 3 and 5 year old in tow. Who whenever I'd ask if she could take Ben while Ellie was in the hospital would say, "What's another one?"
linZ and her ability to make motherhood AND lawschool look easy. Wow (that is mom upside down)!
My Aunt Suzanne who gives the best, most original, most thoughtful gifts.
Esther who taught me selflessness (again and again). At one point she convinced her children and her sister to collect ALL of their crayons to deliver them to Ellie when we were having a crayon shortage at the hospital. She also worked long and hard to create arm warmers out of Ellie's socks for the after party. Thanking ME for inspiring her to utilize her sewing machine again. And of course her willingness to be called "Jennifer" or Estifer" by Ben.
My wicked stepmother (as she calls herself) for creatively rising up to the challenge of wacky hats and cozy sweaters and socks.
Jennifer W who finds the gift in being laid off, every single day she gets to be home with her newborn.
Karly who somehow finds a way to balance a ferocious love for her daughter and a laid back attitude.
Finally, Jennifer McKeag, and her superb, wry sense of humor. She has sent me numerous e-mails throughout the past few years. Following is part of an e-mail in response to one of my recent blogs.
[caption id="attachment_3847" align="alignleft" width="200" caption="Lotta joy!!"]
[/caption]"Another good lesson from your blog is one I learned from Betsy C. when Rachel was a new born baby. I was telling her that I wanted to be perfect and selfless and better than my own self and she asked me if that was the kind of person I expected Rachel to be. She pointed out that one of my big jobs was to be a role model for Rachel. I tried on the idea that I should be the kind of mother that I hoped Rachel would be one day. Did I want Rachel to push herself to be perfect and selfless and better than her own self or did I want Rachel to embrace her whole personality - flaws included - and to try her hardest without expecting herself to be someone she was not? Hum. Maybe. Some days more than other days. Some days less. But, something to look at.
Rachel and Kate have really different moms. Rachel was a surprise and I was 25 years old and I was so overwhelmed by motherhood. Kate came to us in a totally different way and I was 32 years old and had so much more clarity. I wonder what stories they'll remember when they are grown women sitting together talking about their childhoods. I imagine they will each think the other grew up in a home totally different from their own.
Ellie, Ben, and Lotta will also each have had such different experiences. I bet that will let them learn a lot from one another."
In appreciation to all the moms in my life today. Thank you.
That is odd that Thom did that and no one knew (except all of us reading this blog entry! :-)
ReplyDeleteSometimes it's just interesting - you know that you're the one who has to handle something, and there's no heistating, no thinking about whether it's fair...you just gotta get about the business of handling it...because there just isn't someone else there to do it...
I SO love and appreciate all the love and appreciation you share in this blog entry. What a gift.
On another note - McKenzie and Jake definitely do have different experiences of me as a Mom... and they need different Moms...you know?