A few of my favorite Ellie things...

[caption id="attachment_37" align="alignleft" width="300" caption="Sweet Ellie at 4 years"][/caption]

Do you remember that Seinfeld episode about Festivus?  It was a holiday created by George Costanza's father (I know any of you Seinfeld fans will correct me if I'm wrong here).  My favorite scene is when everyone is sitting around the dining room table and Mr. Costanza says, "Now is the time for the airing of the grievances."  Basically, your opportunity to tell everyone else at the table what you didn't like about him/her.  I decided to do the opposite and focus on all of the things I like about Ellie and what she has taught me through her brief stay with me thus far. 

1.  Cherish every moment.

Several years ago, Ellie had a seizure while in the hospital.  Thom was in the hospital bed with Ellie when she started having her seizure and Ben (who was under a year at the time) and I were asleep in the bed next to Ellie & Thom's.  When Ellie started to go into a seizure, she was administered Valium which then caused her to go into respiratory arrest.  Suddenly, our once peaceful, dark room was filled with people and noise (and Ben slept on).  The whole thing seemed completely surreal, even now it is hard for me to imagine that it really truly happened. 

After she was revived, she was sent to the PICU for monitoring purposes.  Ben & I were sent to a separate sleeping room in the hospital run by Ronald McDonald House.  You can imagine how much I didn't sleep that night, wondering how Ellie was doing, what was happening in her room, but not wanting to wake Ben to go check. 

I just really really really needed to tell someone so that the whole experience would seem somehow more "real" than it did.  I waited and waited and waited.  Finally, at 5am, I called my sister to tell her what had happened.  Ghany (her husband and an anesthesiologist) answered the phone and was pretty nonplussed by the whole thing.  In the fascinating world he resides in, respiratory arrest is not that big of a deal. 

Later that morning one of our doctors and her nurse practicioner came to the PICU to check on us.  I could tell from the way she was asking the questions that there was a concern of possible legal action that we might take.   Litigation was the furthest thing from my mind.  I remember feeling so fortunate to have another day to spend with Ellie.  When I told the doctor and her nurse this, we all teared up.  It was one of those moments that cannot adequetly be put into words.  Words kind of stupid it down for some reason. 

2.  Let it go.

Another hospital stay and Ellie was getting an EEG.  Two women where in her room spreading the icky sticky gooey stuff to attach the electrodes to her head.  Ellie abhors gel, lotion, soap, paint, anything oopy and goopy.  Then, they were blowdrying her hair.  Ellie abhors any loud noises, but especially blowdryers and vacuam cleaners and loud little brothers.  As you can imagine, it was pretty much a nightmare situation.  Ellie was yelling her gooped up head off as if she were being tortured (she was). 

One of the EEG women kept telling Ellie, "It's not hurting you".  Until finally, I said, "Maybe it is hurting her, even if it is not hurting you."  Because really do we want to get into an argument about what hurts somebody else?  That's like arguing whether a room feels hot or cold with someone who feels hot or cold.  But I digress. 

As soon as these 2 women were done, Ellie immediately stopped yelling and started chatting them up.  I mean I was livid, ready to get violent and wanted them gone from my life.  But for Ellie the whole thing was over and done and she was ready to make friends.  It was beyond forgiveness, because she didn't forgive she just let it go.  Completely and utterly.  Not to be nice but because she likes making friends and that was the opportunity presenting itself. 

3.  It's about me.

Ellie and I often have this conversation about Ben, "Ok, Ellie this is not about Ben this about YOU.  What can YOU do to be peaceful?"  I want her to feel empowered and know that even if she can't change what is happening around her, she can change what she thinks and then what she feels. 

Example #1: Every time we get into the car, little Ben likes to climb in the front seat and push all the buttons and pretend that he is driving the car.  Well, Ellie is ready to go, right now.  Typically, this quickly deteriorates into Ellie screaming and crying for Ben to get in the backseat.  We talk about how he won't want to get in his carseat if there is yelling in the back.  We talk about how if Ellie can somehow find a way to have fun in the backseat, Ben will actually want to join her. 

Example #2:  On our walks home from school, Ben often stops along the way to hug or scratch a tree (they are itchy and cannot scratch themselves), walk through leaves, walk across large rocks, jump down steps, pick up some sticks, find a feather.  Again, Ellie is ready to go home RIGHT now.  She is tired and cannot wait.  Today we were discussing how if Ellie spends the whole walk focusing on what she doesn't like about Ben and what he does that she doesn't like, then she is going to feel really really bad. 

Well, when we arrived home, I realized that while I was telling Ellie to focus on what she liked about Ben, I was focusing on what I didn't like about what Ellie was doing.  Daganabbit!  Foiled again...I know that if I could be an example of appreciating and loving Ellie, even when she is not doing that to Ben, it would be even more powerful than me continually telling her.

4.  Spread your love.

One thing that is truly amazing about Ellie is her ability to easily tell others that she loves them.  There is no hesistation in her proclamation.  When she says it she means it.  She loves to talk about what she loves about the people in her life (besides her brother sometimes, see #3).  She loves to talk about how much she enjoys seeing and tit tatting (talk + chit chatting) with the people in her life.   When I ask her what she enjoyed most about school, she inevitably says that she enjoyed spending time with the adults there.  For her it is the relationship, the connection that is the most important thing, not what she has accomplished. 

5.  Giggles

Ellie loves a good joke, or a word said in a funny way or funny facial expression.  She is an easy laugh.  Sometimes she even just sits in her room laughing.  Her laughter is the best music. 

6.  Salt is really important.

The summer before last, Ellie spent 2 weeks in the hospital because of low salt.  Every day, Thom and I were like, "Can we go home and give her a bag of chips for crying out loud??"  It turned out she had cerebral salt wasting (not to worry, I have informed the doctors that this is an incredibly awful name sounding as if life as you know it will end very soon.)   We also uncovered during our last hospital stay that salty's friends are also highly important, they are known collectively as the electolytes.  It is amazing how something that seems as insignifant as salt can really impact the funtioning of your entire body.