Thursday, August 16, 2012

Sweaty sweet

[caption id="attachment_4864" align="alignleft" width="300" caption="Lotta modeling her summer ensemble."][/caption]

This summer has been hot hot hot until recently, when we cooled down to 70 degree days like it is supposed to be here in Wisconsin.  Lotta has decided, perhaps partially due to the heat of the last two months, that she is not a big fan of clothing.  Of any kind.  You can imagine what a damper this puts on leaving the house.  And going to establishments that require things such as shoes and shirt (hey there is no mention of pants, does that mean they are not required?  Or is it just assumed?  Seriously, I need to know.)

Monday morning, I had decided we would venture to Target to finish up school shopping and purchase cake mix for Lotta's 2nd birthday.  Once again, Lotta refused to put on clothing.  Even a diaper.  She just comes and alerts me where she has gone, saying, "pee pee pee pee".  Which is helpful but not quite as helpful as actually placing said pee pee in the potty.

[caption id="attachment_4865" align="alignleft" width="225" caption="Ben excited to go to Milwaukee on a fieldtrip day."][/caption]

I had completely lost my patience and turned into Crazy Mamma.  Not pretty.  Lotta was on the front porch, crawling around butt naked on the love seat.  Having a grand old time.  Finally I just went inside to empty the dishwasher.  Ben came onto the porch and patiently, kindly asked Lotta if he could put on her diaper.  She lay down on the mat I'd put there precisely for that purpose.  I came out to find Ben attempting to fasten the diaper onto his sibling.  Lotta continued to lay as I put on the rest of her clothing.  I thanked Ben for his help.  He informed me that he just tried to talk to Lotta as I normally would (when I wasn't suddenly a mad woman).  I told him yes, that kindness works better than yelling and thanked him for reminding me of that point.  When I'm yelling, I'm out of good ideas.

Finally we made it to Target and were attempting to wrap things up.  (As you know, Target is never a quick trip for me, and we had the additional excursion through Lego aisle.)  I was tired and hungry (not a good look for me) and ready to go.  Lotta headed on over to the card rack and started grabbing cards.  Ugh.  Ben went around to the other side of the cards and stuck his head through to surprise his little sister.  Meanwhile, Crazy Mamma had come back for an encore episode.  I yelled at Lotta it was time to go!  And told Ben he needed to get out of the cards.  He stated slightly panicked, that he was stuck.  I went over and in my crazed state, yanked him out of the cards, not too gently.  Which on the one hand got him unstuck quickly, on the other hand, not my best moment.

When I have a baby, my older children suffer the loss of me, as I fall madly in love with this new family member.  I made an intention to fall back in love with Ben this summer and it has most definitely happened.  He is such a super sweet boy, so thoughtful and kind.  A reminder to me when I forget how to be the mom I want to be.  At the beginning of the summer I struggled with how to integrate Ben back into our daily routine, the rhythm that Lotta and I had established over the school year, did not seem inclusive.  Now I wonder how we will re establish our days with a Ben shaped emptiness filling our days.

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