What Everyone Deserves

 

Not only is he such an excellent brother, but he is also a superb photographer! Geez what cant he do?

Kip and Patrick came to visit us a couple of weeks ago, along their cross-country journey.  At one point, Kip and Lotta and I were all in the "library" (formerly known as "the bookshop" aka Ellie's room).  As I stood contemplating Lotta's ensemble, I suddenly had a flashback of the time that I chose Ellie's outfit for the last time.  Knowing that it would be the last time, felt like such a tremendous weight.  It felt too big, and at the same time incredibly insignificant.  Wanting so desperately to make the perfect choice, wishing that Ellie could help me decide (she was nonverbal by this point).  And knowing that, in the end, there wasn't one perfect decision.  I just had to fumble along and do the best I could, knowing, ultimately, the most important thing was to make a decision.  The nurse's aide who washed Ellie up could not proceed until I made this decision for which I felt completely and utterly stuck.  Oh the pressure, I can feel it even now, 10 months later.

All of that came rushing back to me as I stood in the room with Lotta and Kip.  I shared the story with Kip and what I loved most was his response.  He just sat there and listened intently, as if I were imparting some vital information.  He didn't try to "cheer me up", or even roll his eyes as if saying, "here comes another story".  He simply said, "Wow, I can't imagine."  That is why I always say everyone deserves to have a gay brother living in Brooklyn in their lives because having someone like that on your side just makes everything more bearable.