Oh man I am so tired and bored with myself. Exhausted of this continual missing of Ellie. Feeling weepy all the dang time. I think I need a Patrick Kyle fix that I might feel interesting, even if in reality I am not. (I know I have mentioned it before but seriously, he just has that special way of listening that no matter how boring I am I suddenly feel sparkling and entertaining.) Every day I have this feeling that I should be doing both more and less. Like I
The first day of school, Ellie not going was challenging. Seeing mini-buses like the one she rode passing by, not carrying her felt sad.
A few weeks later we attended an ice cream social with Ben and Ellie's schools. I kept looking around, searching for Ellie's classmates when I suddenly realized (once again) that they are now in middle school.
Before school began, Ben, Lotta,
them NOW after Ellie has passed. AND I kept thinking how much Ellie would have loved to have sat around tit tatting up the mothers and her classmates both. Oh that wily regret, once again coming for a visit. I do know I will get through this part of my dark tunnel and emerge better than before. I just don't really like dark scary tunnels. Not my thing.
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