Speechless Revisited

Ok so if I were truly speechless, I would have nothing else to say.  As Demetri Martin of Comedy Central would say, "Think about it."  (I adore his quirky humor and imagine my nephew, Dariush, will look exactly like Demetri when he grows up.  So for me, it is like sweet little Dariush telling me jokes. Seriously, I digress.) 

Here is what leaves me speechless.  Walking into Ellie's empty room.  The assumption that Ben is my firstborn by a stranger.  The disorientation.  No more made-up words (although I did make up "snough" this morning to describe a sneeze cough).   Ben giggles.  Listing the members of my household on a playgroup application.  Lotta smiles.   Sesame Street.  Feeling like a love-sick teenager, as if every single song is written about me and my lost love (with the exception of Brittany's new song, that would be weird).   Imagining the days, months, years without an Ellie.  This constant wistfulness.  No more big brown eyes overflowing with love.  The loudness of this silence. 

See those are a whole lot of words for someone rendered speechless.