Ain't no sunshine

Oh boy (or as Ellie would say, "oh girl") the days without smiles are the hardest.  And if my face wore swollen up so much that one of my eyes wouldn't open AND I felt nauseated AND my head hurt AND I had IVs in both hands so I couldn't do the things I loved most (peel crayons, look at books), I do not think I would be in any smiling happy snappy mood either.  It reminds me of during labor when I become serious and Thom says that is the hardest part for him, when nothing seems funny to me anymore.  When my mom and Moffat came to visit a couple of weeks ago, my mom was completely amazed when Ellie came back from chemo and did not want to go lay down, even though she looked like she was asleep already, because she wanted to connect with my mom and Moffat.  She did not want to miss a moment of fun.  So I know if she is not talking or laughing or smiling that she  must be highly highly uncomfortable right now.   It just breaks my heart to see such a sweet, brave girl suffering so quietly.  I wish I could take it all away and throw it right out the window, maybe it could turn into little confetti hearts.  And to think she will be going through another surgery tomorrow seems almost insurmountable!  Dang, and I write this right after my mom sent me an e-mail letting me know how proud she was of my pma (positive mental attitude).  Maybe it's my pma that flew out the window.