Magic Wands or even Talismans...

[caption id="attachment_4747" align="alignleft" width="225" caption="Ben with his first grade teacher, Mrs. H on the last day of school."][/caption]

Seven can be challenging.  Just on the verge of being a bigger kid.  A younger kid no longer, but desperately trying to hang on to the joys of it for just a moment longer.  Knowing that those magical beliefs in Santa, the Tooth Fairy, the Easter Bunny will soon fade away as a distant memory.  Ben so loves all the magic of childhood, he has decided that he will ask for a magic wand from Santa Claus, a REAL magic wand that does REAL magic.  He would even settle for a magic talisman, but only, again, if it were REAL.  He could then wish for no bad things to happen to our family (such as no fires in our home).  He could also help the polar ice caps to stay frozen or make sure the sun doesn't explode.  So many big worries to contemplate when you are seven.

Last week was challenging, Lotta and I readjusting to having Ben at home with us.  He seems to have gotten so used to his school routine, that at times, he doesn't quite know what to do with himself at home.  My vision for this summer is a Summer of Fun (as opposed to all those other not-so-fun summers I planned), and along those lines, I have decided that each week we will go on a field trip--somewhere within an hour and half of our home where we can go explore.  A day trip.

Friday we decided to go to the Science and Children's Museums in Rockford.  As we were preparing for our trip, Ben was having numerous meltdowns.  He wanted to take his sketch pad and his pencil and sharpener and a big eraser.  When he went upstairs, he set his pencil sharpener down and immediately panicked that it was lost.  From downstairs, I suggested he re-trace his steps.  He became more panicked and shouted that it wasn't in the bathroom where he knew he left it.

If I try to explain things to Ben, particularly if he is upset, he immediately takes my explanation as a lecture.  I was pondering how with Ellie, I could talk with her about things we were working through.  And she LOVED it.  Ben, on the other hand, will tell me, "You're talking like a grown-up."  So I knew I needed to change my strategy with him.  He was challenging me to become more. As I was pondering how to change my strategy, Ellie seemed to whisper in my ear, "make it fun".  Whenever we would converse about something, we would find a way to make it fun.  Being sad was "Eeyore-ish", being scared was "Pigglet-ish", we would ponder what character might be more useful.  For example, if Ellie was feeling Pigglet-ish about getting off the bus, we decided that Tigger would bounce off that bus without hesitation, so she would become "Tigger-ish" in order to summon the courage.  Ellie's advice to me was to make it fun for Ben and he would totally be invested in whatever

[caption id="attachment_4759" align="alignleft" width="300" caption="Ben being chased by a T-Rex at the Science Museum!!!"][/caption]

was happening.

Ok, so back to Friday morning.  Ben came downstairs and I lectured him and he screamed and cried saying I wasn't hearing what he was saying.  He wished that his Dad could stay home and I could go to work.  It was, once again, so obviously, not working.

We stopped for a moment.  Suddenly, it came to me (thanks, Ellie!)  I hesitantly said, "What if you were a detective and you had a job to find something missing and you wouldn't get paid unless you found the missing object?  What would you need to do to solve the mystery?  A magnifying glass perhaps?  Clues as to where the missing object was?"  Then we were all racing upstairs with a kaleidoscope (in lieu of a magnifying glass) to search for the missing pencil sharpener.  I walked upstairs and immediately spotted the missing item on the bed.  I told Ben (trying mightily hard not to

[caption id="attachment_4758" align="alignright" width="225" caption="Ben being eaten by a T-Rex at the Science Museum!!!"][/caption]

lecture) that I felt like I KNEW I could find it and so I found it right away, I think that is my REAL magic wand.  Ben told me that he was testing me, which I said, I must have passed that test, then.

We continued to prepare for our trip, and we still were not getting along, dagnabbit.  I challenged Ben.  (Ben is highly competitive and loves a challenge).  What if we had a contest all day to see who could come up with the longest list of things we liked about each other.  He was still feeling a bit grumpy, and said he didn't want to.  I said that the best thing that would come out of a contest like that is that I would feel better, so I would still do it even if he didn't want to.  Quickly Ben changed his mind, which I told him was the first thing I appreciated about him, that he was willing to change his mind.   His first items were things about his Dad, for example how I helped his Dad to cook, or that I married such a great man.  I suggested we save all the Daddy appreciation for Sunday (Father's Day).

Just looking for what we liked about each other changed the entire day.  Suddenly all that love and appreciation spilled over from Ben to Lotta.  He was calling her "my little love" and pouring his attention on her.  They even had a dance party together.  I guess it is

[caption id="attachment_4760" align="alignleft" width="225" caption="Ben and Lotta at the Rockford Childrens Museum."][/caption]

inspiring to me to realize how one small step can completely transform the day.

Then Friday night, I awoke from this great dream.  There was a little kid in the dream.  I knew it was boy, but I couldn't see him.  I just knew that I really really liked him, I liked talking with him and just being with him.  When I woke up, I realized that it was Ben I had been dreaming about, the feeling of Ben.  It was as if Ellie were showing me how to recognize the feeling of him.  And what a great feeling it was.  I guess I still believe in magic too.