Committing

[caption id="attachment_3801" align="alignleft" width="224" caption="Ghany prepares for the evening bonfire."][/caption]

Each night at Pranee, Ghany would light a HUGE bonfire in the field.  Whoever was awake would go and hang out  chatting into the night.  One such night, Dan shared about his work around the world assisting missionaries.  Ghany shared how he went on a medical mission to Afghanistan.  Kip shared about the day camp he set up in Malawi a couple of years ago.  Thom and I sat in silence.  We were in awe of what our people had accomplished in the past few years.  And a bit humbled by it all.  I mean what the heck baby fire had we been DOING while eveyone else had been out saving the world??

I have been pondering for quite some time how I was wanting to reframe the whole idea that Ellie has "lost the battle with cancer", to seeing how in so many ways she WON.  Thom and I have acknowledged numerous times that in another time and place Ellie would not have had the

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opportunity to live 10 glorgeous (glorious and gorgeous) years.  Ten years of splendor and love and overcoming pain to always revel in the wonder of each day. 

In one of the books I am reading, (On Gratitude by Todd Aaron) Jeff Bridges shares how at one point in his career he was contemplating retiring.  He had an offer for a movie and just felt like he wanted a break from it all.  Instead he contemplated what he really wanted and decided to stick with acting.  He said that decision to commit has made all the difference in his career. 

Then, I was thinking how I often feel so inept when someone asks me what I DO.  Meaning to make money.  How sometimes I have responded with the title  "family manager"--a management position in which I am waiting for those vacation and sick days to kick in.  Why do I feel less worthy because the work I do is unpaid?  I admire my sister, a fellow family manager, who fully

[caption id="attachment_3803" align="alignleft" width="239" caption="Ben and Ghany experience a waterfall."][/caption]

and unabashadly embraces her position AND her time away from childcare.  She has always wanted to be a dancer and recently joined a modern dance group.  She paints and takes a writing class and does yoga without apology.  Susan says she was inspired by her husband's full throttle approach to life.  That she realized when he is at the end of his days he won't think, "I wish I'd...."  He will have actually already done it. I want to be able to embrace my life in the same way, with that kind of commitment.

What did I spend my day doing?  Folding laundry, feeding my kids, attempting to tidy, thinking about what to eat next.  The next time someone asks me what I DO, can I respond with that list?  Would the person asking the question fall into a coma from complete boredom? Could I

[caption id="attachment_3804" align="alignleft" width="239" caption="Kirk, Kip, Me, Susan"][/caption]

give myself the same freedom I have given Ellie to feel my life is successful based more on how I have impacted the lives surrounding me, rather than the number of lives I have touched or the amount of money I have made?  Could I decide, like Jeff Bridges did, to fully commit to the path that I am on?

A friend told my mom, the new "What do you do?" is asking a person what they LIKE to do, rather than what they do.  I like that.