[/caption]How do I possibly have a birthday this year? Ugh. How do I turn a year older when she does not?? It makes no sense to me, I want to call it off. Do you think we could all collectively decide to not even have that day? I don't know how to celebrate MY birth when Ellie will not be here. And usually I am all about birthday celebrations and taking advantage of the opportunity to sleep in and have someone else wait on me (Thom's not as excited about this aspect of my birthday.) I imagine parades, sunny skies, singing and dancing. But I really truly wanna call it off this year. The sifferant (same different) when Ellie was about to turn 4 or 5 and she refused to become the next age. It took her 6 months to agree to being the next age. Ellie was just having too much fun at her current (or previous) age. She could not imagine it getting any better than the age she already was. Will everyone respect that I am refusing to turn 41 for a different reason? Or will everyone think that I have finally matured (nothing could be further from the truth)? And if that happens will this dull dread go away? I know I will figure out how to do it. Ben will certainly help, with his complete exuberance towards all things birthday related (particularly cake). But right now it just makes me feel exhausted.
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