[/caption]About a year and a half ago, I suddenly, inexplicably, knew that there was another, as yet unseen, member of our family. For several months I struggled against this wanting. It felt like I already had my hands full. The funny thing was I believed this so hard that one day a neighborhood woman stopped to tell me I needed to stop having babies. Funny. There were numerous logical reasons NOT to have another child. Yet, I would look around our house, be on a walk, and suddenly envision this new baby with us. Unfortunately, there was an empty baby-spaced spot that could not be filled otherwise. Already a part of our family. He/she was a force not likely to be stopped.
In the book, Lift(Kelly Corrigan, 2010), the author/mother tells her daughters that "This was my dream. You were my dream (p 77)." That so perfectly describes how I feel about my family. All those years growing up, going from one family to the next as my mom remarried, I longed for the family that I have now. I recall seeing a magazine picture where a mother was in the bathtub with 3 or 4 kiddos and I longed to be that mother. I know there is a lot of talk about how children feel misplaced when another child joins the family. As if that particular child was not enough. It is compared to a husband taking another wife. I tell my children that the reason I want to have another baby is because I have had so much fun with them that I wanted to do it all over again. I was ready to jump back on that roller coaster ride for all its twists and turns. This baby, just like Ben, gave us something to look forward to in a year filled with surgeries, chemotherapy, hospital stays. I know that at some point, I will look back on this year in wonder and awe at how we all not only survived but thrived in the midst of all THAT. And I will know that somehow this year has helped to shape who we have become. Pushed us to evolve and adapt to that which we thought we could not.
[caption id="attachment_2797" align="alignright" width="300" caption="Ellie right after birth, looking wise already."]
[/caption]Today I am full term (37 weeks). The baby could come any time, of course there is a 5 week time span of when this could occur. (I am shooting for 8-9-10 because I think that would be such a cool birthdate to have. Thom likes the idea of the 28th, because Ellie is on the 26th (of Jan) and Ben is the 27th (of March.) Now my dream of holding this baby, walking him/her around the neighborhood is even closer than ever. How fortunate this baby will be to have a dad like Thom, who will laugh, play, enjoy, listen. The baby will learn how to be relaxed and confident from him. And how to emit loud bodily noises. Ben is already planning on teaching this baby absolutely everything. He calls the baby "Sunshine" because that could be a boy or girl name (although I think T-Rex was his absolute first choice for a baby name.) The baby will learn so much about appreciation and unbridled enthusiasm from Ben. The baby will be taught Ellie's creative words and her gentleness. And how to jed (joy spread) and love unconditionally from her. Although Ellie has not been a big fan of babies as of late, she will still, unexpectedly tell me how excited she is for our new baby to arrive. I do not know how I was so very fortunate to have my biggest dream come true, but I did.
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