Momma Look at My Face.

We were riding in the minivan when we heard an ambulance.  Lotta commented that she thought the ambulance would help someone hurt.  I wondered aloud if Ben recalled riding in an ambulance with Ellie.  He had.  We talked about how much he loved riding in the ambulance as much as Ellie hated it. 

Suddenly Lotta said we should go pick Ellie up. 

Shocked, I explained that we couldn't do that because Ellie had died.

There was silence in the backseat.

Lotta said, "Momma look at my face. I yooo yad Ellie dead." 

I told her that I too was sad that Ellie was dead.  I went on to explain that if Ellie were alive we would never leave her somewhere without us. We would always be with her taking care of her.

Then Lotta asked if Ellie's momma had died.

Surprised, I explained that I was in fact Ellie's mom.  She was Ellie's sister.  We went through everyone's relationship to Ellie. 

Then Lotta became once again confused as she came to my mom who had just departed from a visit.  Throughout the visit, Lotta referred to my mom as ,"your mommy" rather than "agogo" the term for grandparent in Malawi.

Another one of those instances where I thought we had all been discussing the same thing only to discover Lotta had been hearing a completely different story.

Angels Angels Everywhere

Much easier getting in than out!

Lotta, Zibbi and I attended Ben's Valentine's Day Party. We were in charge of games. What shocked me about the whole party was how incredibly unhappy Ben was in his classroom. Never have I witnessed Ben so sullen and awkward.  It was painful.

Near the beginning of the school year, Zibbi, Lotta and I participated in the Marquette Mile, a fund raiser where the entire school walks together.  It was the last school event Ellie ever participated in.  When Ben's class lined up outside for the group photo, Ben was standing beside his teacher.  Suddenly he was knocked out of this spot, and I watched as he frantically attempted to find a spot for himself.  I waved him over beside me and gave him a big (hopefully) reassuring hug.  What bothered me later as I pondered the scenario was the possibility that Ben was spending his days feeling that out of place and uncomfortable and, well, just frantic.

All of this is such a contrast to Ben's experience in 1st and 2nd grade when he was absolutely blossoming.  His teachers continually told me how well liked he was, what an astounding writer he is, how caring and kind he is.  The time I presented The Angry Monster Book to the class, Ben was the guy completely engaged, raising his hand.  Practically glowing.  His teachers were magnificent, spending a full month teaching kindness.  The fit for him was perfect, and I knew even on those days when I was not at my best, Ben would have spent the majority of his day feeling happy and confident, surrounded by love and acceptance.

This whole thing has really made me up my game, as I realize now how challenging each day at school is for him, I realized how our love and kindness and acceptance is even more critical.  I mean on the one hand I am happy he has family support where some other students might not.  On the other hand, as a mamma bear, I don't want him slogging through this mess!!

Monday following V day, I made an appointment with the principal (yes I went straight to the top!  Reminded me of the times "crazy Momma" reared her head at the hospital to get things done.)  She is a fabulous principal and told me at one point during the meeting how she just loved our family (how could I not think her fabulous after that comment?).  I felt much reassured that Ben would be receiving some additional during his school day.  

As I approached Ben's classroom for pick up, a woman approached me saying, "Hi!" as if she knew me.  Unfortunately, this wange thing has happened to my memory following my fourth born.  I now often encounter people I have absolutely no memory of meeting.  None.  Now the thought of not recalling someone's name seems like a step up.  Anyway, this lovely woman could tell from the blank look on my face that I had not a clue.  She explained that we'd met at Costco.  It all came back to me.  She sat down next to us in the food court and went on and on about how Ben just continually made her day with his friendliness and his smile.

Once I was oriented, I told her (her name is Kathleen), about how Ben has been struggling this year.  She told me the guys she typically sees Ben with and one guy she has tried to set up with Ben.  It made me feel as if all along, Ben has had this angel looking out for him.  I wanted to ask her, "Did Ellie send you?" 

   

No Empty Buckets

Thom and Zibbi's buckets are full.

At Ben's school there is talk of "filling your bucket" or "filling someone else's bucket", meaning you do something kind that fills the other person (or yourself) up with good stuff.  Emptying your bucket would be the opposite, doing something mean that leaves the other person (or yourself) feeling empty.  

At the beginning of the school year, as we were walking home one day from school, Ben told me that a fifth grader (just to re-cap, Ben is in 3rd grade) pushed him against the fence and started making fun of him.  He told Ben that he was just a 3rd grader, that his ears were big, he grabbed Ben by the nose and continued to taunt him.

Lotta's bucket is full!

Ben was very proud of himself as he described how he would NOT allow the other kid to bully him.  He just shrugged and said, "Yeah, I AM a 3rd grader."  and "I like my ears."  Ben told me that he refused to let the other guy empty his bucket, he had his lid on tight.

I am sure you will not be at all surprised, this description brought out my momma bear.  I phoned his teacher who went to speak with the 5th grade team.  The principal was notified. She explained to me how she wanted to have a meeting with Ben and the other student to allow them to have a discussion where the two boys could interact in a different way. After the meeting, I inquired how it went.   Ben informed me that he was never afraid of the other guy.  That Ben is a true super hero!

Super Ben!

Best Days

BEN WATCH OUT!!

Sweet Lotta

Ben and Zibbi at the Children's Museum.

Ben had been asking to go to the Natural History Museum and Children's Museum in Rockford, Illinois all summer.  All summer I was nervous about taking a newborn for an hour and a half car ride (or van ride).

At the end of October, Ben had Thursday and Friday off of school so we finally decided, now that the baby is 5 months old, it was time.  It was Zibbi and our mini-van's first out-of-state trip.  We stopped on our way in and ate at Jessica's restaurant, a diner style restaurant where we were the youngest patrons by numerous decades. Lotta ordered a Minnnie Mouse pancake so it came with a whipped cream bow.  Breakfast for lunch is AWLAYS a big hit.

On the outside of the Children's Museum is a huge banner that reads something about how the museum is rated number 7 by Forbes magazine.  Made me chuckle to imagine the cheers, "We're number 7!!  We're number 7!!"

There is an outdoor area of the children's museum that features, amongst numerous other amazing items, an archaeological dig site.  Ben and Lotta were digging for bones when I turned my back for just a moment, when I looked back Lotta had removed her boots AND socks and sat enjoying herself in the brisk 40 degree weather.  Whenever I suggest something ridiculous like a coat or shoes that cover her feet (as opposed to flip flops) Lotta laughs, telling me not to worry, she LIKES the cold.  A true Wisconsin girl she is.

The highlight of the trip was when we went to retrieve snacks from vending at the Children's Museum.  As we sat nibbling, Ben suddenly exclaimed how THIS was his best day and just when he thought his days couldn't possible get better, he has the greatest day of all.  His days just keep getting better and better what else could I want for him?