Thanksgiving Dinner at a restaurant![/caption]I have had a few people question my sanity of having another child. Typically another, mom, who in a moment of exasperation cannot imagine how or why I would want to have another child. Of course there will be learning curve, there always is. The last time I had a newborn in the house, and three children, one of those children was dying. There were things I handled and did then that I cannot imagine how in retrospect. I suppose there is a part of me that feels if I could do THAT then having another baby and a 2-year-old and an 8-year-old will be a breeze in comparison. I mean I could utilize that experience to bring me down, to destroy me in some irreparable way, or I could allow that time to define me, to build me up, to let me know that I have strength I never could have imagined before experiencing a newborn and death together, hand in hand. I am not saying that at times this missing-ness doesn't bring me to my knees, what I am saying is I will not let this grief define who I am. I will experience it, brush myself off, and I know Ellie would want me to allow the experience to strengthen rather than weaken me. But truly, I cannot think of anything better than a newborn to add our our already fantastically amazing family. Let's go on this roller coaster ride again!
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