You get more bees with honey

[caption id="attachment_249" align="alignleft" width="300" caption="Ben at the park near Grandma & Grandpa (11/07)"][/caption]

In the fall, Ben was having a hard time leaving the park at the time we needed to leave to pick Ellie up from school.  As many of you know, we had been increasing her time since the beginning of the school year.  She started out the year by only going for half an hour.  So at the park, one of little Ben's most favorite places, Ben, understandably did not want to leave.  He would refuse to get back in his stroller or continue to play when we needed to go.  Well, one day, I decided what I was doing was definitely NOT working, no way no how.  Not working at all.  I decided to try something radically different.  Instead of yelling and begging Ben to leave, I would set my alarm and I would let him know as we came close to the time we needed to leave.  I would also spend the time we were at the park together really connecting with him and having the best time we could possibly have together, rather than watching to clock to see when we had to leave. 

[caption id="attachment_488" align="alignright" width="300" caption="Bubble wrap, now THAT is a good time!"][/caption]

It worked swimmingly.  Once I stopped focusing on what Ben wasn't doing and started focusing on what he was doing--having a good time--and joining him there, things began to change.  And the truly amazing thing is that now when I tell Ben we have 5 more minutes, more often than not, he will say, "Guess, what I am ready to go NOW."  Miraculous.  A little love and understanding goes a long way in making life easier and more fun.

One summer during college, I stayed in Kirksville (the small town where I attended school) for an internship.  I worked at the local library helping to shelve books.  One of the librarians would follow me around the library making sure I was putting everything in its proper spot.  By the end of the day, I was a nervous wreck.  And by the end of the summer I had quit.  Of all the jobs I've had in the past, the ones where I was most motivated by my boss were the ones where the boss showered me with praise and kindness, not the ones who yelled and screamed and looked over my shoulder.  I think the same theory applies to parenting, when I am in the space of connecting with my children, they are much much more willing to do what I want than if I am barking orders, breathing down thier necks.

[caption id="attachment_105" align="alignleft" width="300" caption="A little love can grow some big cheeks..."][/caption]

I believe that yelling at my children is not the best way to teach them not to yell.  Or that being inflexible is probably not the best way to teach flexibility.  Or grabbing things is probably not the best way to teach not to grab.  I believe that they learn more by example than lectures.  Not that I am always able to adhere to these ideals, but it is something that I aim for.  But when it all comes together, man oh man is it ever magical (see above story for an example...)