Last Day of Lapham

So today, was the last day I am assisting in a 3K classroom. I'd started the year thinking I would substitute teach, as a way to make a bit of money AND help the school out, which is facing staff shortages. Then the position for afternoon SEA in 3K opened up, and a fellow mom inquired if I might be interested in job sharing. I ADORED the way the 3-year-olds actually WANTED to be beside me, what a contrast to middle school where I was actively ignored. NO one will admit they have parents in middle school. Or wave hello. Sigh. It's just not my vibe. Then, right after spring break, the district sent 4 new students with disabilities over 2 weeks. And all hell broke loose. Toys were thrown. Chairs were thrown. A student in the class that had been making great strides suddenly reverted back to NOT cooperating. I was bit. The supervisor of our program was sent to investigate. She wanted to "set us up for success", which meant to me, that instead of hearing our concerns, they would continue to send us more students, even after we were already drowning. Finally, the student struggling the most went to a different school. Which was also sad, because we had finally gotten to the point where he was making some progress. Anyway, I had already committed to continuing next year. Once I started having doubts it was hard to imagine continuing next year. I subbed in the morning class, where they had a new student who screamed non stop. It was unbearable. And I saw how the other students didn't even hear her screams anymore. They weren't even started when the fire alarm when off. (A very different reaction to the afternoon crowd.) Finally, I decided that I would NOT return. It was such a challenging decision, as there is SO very much I loved about being there. But, it no longer felt safe, or like we were even able to do our jobs in the current climate. Next year, they'd already decided to start with 7 peer mentors, which to me, meant the district was considering sending us 7 students with disabilities. Which MIGHT have been fine if there was any variation in the level of disablitiy, rather than only giving services to the students with the very most need. On the last day, one of the students told me, "This is the last day of schoool, I will never ever see you again." To which I responded that I was also feeling sad that we wouldn't see one another every day anymore. I did suggest that maybe we would see eachother at the library (where I am coordinating some programming). After school, the teachers met at a local bar. I snuck in and sat down at a looong table. And listened to the teachers connect about the students who would go on to Marquette next year, and just feel all the incredible love they give every single day. And THAT is why they put up with so much every single day. Because they somehow find a way to continue to love those children. At a certain point, I started to feel super hungry and tired, and I had the urge to do an Irish Goodbye, sneaking quietly out the door. When I suggested this to a teacher, she said, I got you, and she announced to the the entire table, "Let's clap out Debi!" And as I frantically began snatching up all my items, tehy clapped me out, I turned for one final, hands above the head to recieve the clapping. It was the BEST ending