Last week, I dreamed I was staring into Ellie's big brown eyes, oh so wise.  And I knew in the dream what a gift this moment was and I knew that I didn't want to miss it and I knew that soon I would be awake and all this would disappear.  (A lot to know in a dream right?)  I continually have that feeling now as if I am driving in a car, speeding away from the time we had together. And I want to yell, STOP let me off, I want to go back.  Back to a time when I could see those big brown eyes outside of a dream, when I could hear all those silly made up words.  Back to insisting we go for walks together.  Back to reading and snuggling in bed for hours on end.  Back to finding crayon papers everywhere.  Back to having someone to peel the St. Vinny's stickers off of my purchases.  And I don't want to sound ungreatful for the time we had together, I just feel greedy wanting more.

As I was driving solo to Chicago this weekend, suddenly, I felt Ellie's presence.  It was as if she wanted me to know, "You haven't left me.  I am riding with you!"