Black Ice

[caption id="attachment_637" align="alignleft" width="300" caption="A photo Ben the photographer took."][/caption]

There is a certain time of the day that I must must must put on cozy clothes.   Any type of clothing with zippers will not do.  My body needs to breathe.  The time of day varies.  Sometimes I can make it until 8:30 pm.  Other days, the changeover happens at 3pm.

Well, one night back in February, I was driving home from my wonderful Tiara Coaching group in Chicago (created by the incomparable Betsy C. go to www.tiaracoaching.com for more info.)  As I left Chicago the temperature was a balmy 50 degrees and it was misting rain.   When I stopped to fill the car up, it felt much cooler than it had in Chicago.  After getting back into the vehicle, I decided to pull a Homer Simpson and unbutton my pants.  AAHHH much better.

As I continued driving along at 68 or 69 miles per hour, suddenly my front windshield started freezing up.  I

[caption id="attachment_747" align="alignright" width="225" caption="All bundled up for the Wisconsin cold."][/caption]

thought that was wierd and adjusted my windshield wipers and defrost settings.  Then I looked up and a truck had slidden off the road onto the embankment.  Then I saw several other trucks on the shoulder with their hazards on and a truck to my right that was trying to slow down and skidding at the same time.  I thougth Oh boy, this could be some ride.  As I began to slow down, my own car began to skid.  Fortunately, the truck and I did not skid into one another.  At that point I slowed the car way way down.  I saw another car and van that had just smashed into one another in the median.  I slowed way way down to about 12-19 mph.  It was surreal.  All of these trucks were just parked on the shoulder with their hazards on.  All of the cars were driving super super slow.  And the wierd thing was on the opposite side of the road, the cars were continuing to travel at a rapid pace, without any collisions.  Wierd.  I wondered if maybe this happened every night at midnight and I just had no clue b/c I was almost always at home asleep at that time.  Then we came to a complete standstill.  I wondered if the highway were actually closed.  We sat for maybe 10 minutes when the mostly trucks and my little hybrid began to move.  Finally, I saw that 4 cars had collided and had been moved to the shoulders and that was what had caused the standstill.  And I kept thinking that I had to make it through because my family was waiting for me at home.  And also because with my unzipped pants, I could not imagine the embarrassment of having someone have to pull me from my car in that state.  I don't think anyone would believe that the impact of a crash would cause your zipper to come undone.  Do you?  And I certainly couldn't remove both hands that were gripping the wheel for dear life to zip up my pants.

I think the thing that amazed me the most was that I did not feel all that scared.  I mean sure, my hands were white knuckling the steering wheel and my leg hurt from how tense it was on the gas pedal, but I wasn't as scared because I felt as if I were part of a community out there that night.  Me and all those

[caption id="attachment_740" align="alignright" width="300" caption="Jumping for joy!"][/caption]

truckers, we were in this together.  I was not alone.

I mean the thing that shocked me was how suddenly everything changed.  One minute I was driving listening to my book on tape and the next total mayhem.   It's so easy to get lulled into feeling like everything is going to stay the same when we know ultimately nothing will.  I made it home that night.  I was never more happy to crawl into my cozy flannel sheets and snuggle down for the rest of the night.

REALity

Park fun in Brooklyn, including views of the Brooklyn Bridge, a train, and a helicopter spotting.

"When all is said and done, all we are left with is our story.  I am just trying to create a great one."--from the movie Australia. 

One morning while we were in New York, there was a news cast on the elevator television (yes, a television on the elevator!!  No more figuring out how to avoid eye contact with all the other passengers!)  The news story was about finding ways to get out-of-work veterans jobs.  One of the elevator passengers scoffed and said, "Out of work veterans, we're all out of work!"  I was flabbergasted.  I thought to myself, really?  Really?  ALL of us on this elevator are in a fancy hotel in midtown Manhattan and you are saying we are all out of work!?  That did not seem to be what was happening.  It was as if he was believing the news over the experience we were having together right then.  Made me wonder what stories I am telling and continuing to tell even in the face of contrary evidence.  Am I telling an old story that no longer applies?  Am I telling someone else's story instead of my own?

When I was in the hospital and sending out e-mail updates one of my friends had a hard time believing the authenticity of my e-mails.  She could not fathom that anyone could be that in joy when their child was in the hospital.  Recently I read about Rashida Jones's Aha! moment in the April Oprah Magazine.  She wrote about the time her mom was undergoing chemotherapy.  She said, "I decided my job was to find joyful moments during what could have been a terrifying time for both of us...Just because a situation is grim doesn't mean you don't have every right to smile.  It isn't about "being strong" and pretending everything is ok; it's about finding joy where you can (p 54)."  

 Blogging forces me to search for those things in life that I find interesting, that entertain me, make me laugh, move me, and uplift me to share them with you.  When I blog I get to be the person I strive to be, I get to create the world as I want it to be.  That is what I adore about blogging, I get to write the story I want to create.  The stories I want my children and nieces and nephews to remember and retell long after I am gone. My legacy.

 

that Kip Magic

[caption id="attachment_757" align="alignright" width="300" caption="Kip & Kirk glowing together."][/caption]

Recently I was making a photo collage for my youngest brother, Kirk, to honor him and visually show him how many people he has in his life that absolutely adore him.  What was blaringly obvious to me was that the pictures where Kirk looked the happiest, where he was simply glowing, were the ones when he was standing by my other brother, Kip.  I can understand that, when I just think of Kippy, I feel happy inside.  I sort of feel like Jerry Seinfeld's mother about Kip, if I ever hear of anyone not taking to our Kip, I just

[caption id="attachment_743" align="alignleft" width="220" caption="How could you NOT love that face? Come ON!"][/caption]

think, "Kip!!  That is not possible.  How could someone NOT like Kip??  I will not hear it.  That is NOT possible!" 

 Kip has what is often referred to as "Kip magic".  It takes a lot to ruffle his feathers, he is calm and cool in a crisis and he is able to roll with whatever comes his way.  He has this amazing ability to allow the good stuff in.  He knows that everything will work out in the end, even if there are diversions along the way.  When he was a little bald baby boy, we used to call him "Mr. Magoo" because he just had this little old man wisdom about him.  Maybe that wisdom contributes to the Kip Magic too.   

 Right after Ellie's initial surgery, Kip came to help us out for a week.  We had a doctor's appointment and Kip accompanied us.  When we went into the room to get Ellie checked in, Kip started to sit down in a chair, but instead he sat on air and ended up on the floor.  He was so flustered as he brushed himself off, saying, "That NEVER happens to me."  But, the timing was perfect and gave Ellie and I something to divert our attention away from the task at hand, a story to retell and laugh at for years afterwards.  He risked his cool factor to divert our attention.   That is the kind of uncle he is. 

If you need a restaurant recommendation, Kip is the one to give it.  Before we arrived in New York for the big gala birthday celebration, he had a potential itinerary for our time together, including 3 restaurant choices for each evening.  He loved decorating and planning and organizing

[caption id="attachment_742" align="alignright" width="300" caption="Kip wows us with superb Italian restuarant"][/caption]

the whole shebang.  He even rented a 15 person van so that we could all ride together.  He decorated it with "Pisces Party Van" on the windows.  Way above and beyond.  He is organized and funny, kind and giving,

[caption id="attachment_764" align="alignleft" width="300" caption="Kip captured Ellie."][/caption]

smart and energetic.

My sister, Susan (see "Super Sister to the Rescue!!) says that when her friends ask her what she is up to, she often refers to Kip, because his life is so much more exciting (he travels the world, he works with movie stars as a locations manager).  But, even though he is a big famous Locations Manager now, does he rub it in our face?  No.  Does he name drop?   Not nearly enough for our satisfaction.  Does he take fantastic photos of every event where he is present?   You betcha (that's Wisconsin for "yes").   He has captured Ellie on film, I mean really captured her like no one else ever has. 

[caption id="attachment_750" align="alignright" width="300" caption="Patrick & Kip visit "][/caption]

When Ellie was in the hospital last spring, Kip and his fabulous partner, Patrick Kyle (see That's MY name too!) came to Madison to hang out with Ben following her surgery.  Ben had a terrific time with his uncles, which allowed Thom & I to focus on being at the hospital with Ellie.  I never worried about Ben because I knew he was in the best hands.  At one point, Kip and Patrick took Ben to a Max & Ruby play and when Ben suddenly announced in the middle of the production that he missed his mommy, they brought him to the hospital.  I appreciated that they were not upset to leave the play, Ben's wellbeing was their top priority.  Not only did they take such fantastic care of Ben that he was passed out every night from exhaustion, but they washed and filled up not one but both of our cars.  Of course it took me awhile to notice, as I was in a bit of a fog, but really that was truly

[caption id="attachment_686" align="alignleft" width="300" caption="That Kip, he brought me joy from the very beginning."][/caption]

above and beyond.  That's just Kip, above and beyond.  Whenever I have called asking for his help, he has always shown up.  Every single time. 

Last week, Kip began a job that has left him overwhelmed and exhausted even before he began.  He was wondering how he could possibly accomplish the task at hand.  He had that sinking feeling after seeing a task that seemed insurmountable.  After I got off the phone with him recently, I realized that what he was really saying to me was he wanted to find a way to do this job using The Kip Magic.  I think for a minute he must have forgotten about that.  He wants to do a super fantastic terrific job, while having fun and never losing his sense of humor.  He wants to take the impossible and make it possible.  He wants to allow all that good stuff in.  If there is anyone out there who can accomplish this task, it is Kip, I have no doubt.

Super sister to the rescue!!

[caption id="attachment_715" align="alignleft" width="300" caption="Susan demonstrated her sense of humor to me at a very young age."][/caption]

My sister is the first person I call when something happens--a hospital stay, a diagnosis, a pregnancy, a birth.  I know the family politics and I would be in very big trouble if she were not the first person I would call.  Plus, if I tell her I won't have to fill her in on any back story about what has happened prior, because she is already filled in on ALL the big parts.  But even without all the background information, she is such a good listener, she just "gets it".  On any forms that say, 'emergency information'  I always put my sister even though she lives in Tennessee and we live in Wisconsin because I know that should there be an emergency, she would do whatever it takes to make things right again (not to worry, I put Thom down too).

I remember when we were growing up how we would sit on my Dad's front steps during our weekend stays and eat Kool-aid straight outta the can.  Or how we made cookie dough every day after school before my mom arrived home in Junior High.  And how one day she got her fingers caught in the mixer blades and we called the police.  Suddenly a huge fire truck arrived at our doorstep to

[caption id="attachment_717" align="alignright" width="300" caption="Susan diverts a cake disaster, already looking out for me!"][/caption]

take her to the hospital (oh yea, we may have called the mixer blades "the blender" and they thought her fingers were sliced off. )

To demonstrate how in our family we panic first and ask questions later, I always refer to this handy dandy story as the prime example.  One weekend we were in Kansas City for some event--a wedding, a graduation, I'm not even sure now what was so important.  Thom & I were riding in the back of Susan & Ghany's car.  Thom got out of the car before Susan had.  As Susan emerged from the car, Thom calmly asked her if she could take the brake off and let the car roll forward.  Susan did just so and then asked Thom why he had made such an unusual request.  Thom calmly responded that the car had been on his foot.  Susan then went into full panic mode and said they should have Ghany look at it, etc.  Thom knew that if he'd said immediately, "The car is on my foot", Susan would not have been able to remove the car as quickly in her panicked state of mind. 

[caption id="attachment_724" align="alignleft" width="199" caption="Susan, my maid of honor, and Ghany at our wedding."][/caption]

Another time, we were in Kansas City for Thanksgiving.  Susan and Ghany are the most wonderful hosts, and we try to take advantage of this fact by allowing them to host as many family functions as they would like, with us, as course, as their gracious guests.  We have always been too fearful to host any entire family extravaganza ourselves.  This particular Thanksgiving, Susan and Ghany had outdone themselves, as usual.  Susan raced around the kitchen and dining room areas collecting plates and checking on all of her guests.  Thom was sitting eating quietly at our table, fork in mid-air, when Susan the whirlwind entertainer came in to assist us with anything.  She scooped up Thom's plate and whisked it off to the kitchen to be cleaned.  Thom calmly laid his fork down on the table and said, "I guess I was done." 

A couple of years ago, we went to Memphis to visit the Zafers and meet their newest member, Dariush.  I think my favorite part of the visit, besides, of course, playing and interacting with my adorable nieces and nephew, was an evening when Susan was already in bed and I came up and we just sat on the bed and chatted.  It was one of those movie moments, when your life feels as perfect as a movie.  It doesn't seem like you can plan those moments, they seem to simply occur when you least expect them.  So there Susan and I were just sitting on the bed bonding, I think she might have been nursing Dariush at the same time, but we just

[caption id="attachment_719" align="alignright" width="298" caption="Another time Susan & I were hangin in our pjs..."][/caption]

connected in an easy, comfortable way.  I savor and collect those quiet moments between us, particularly since now we are both outnumbered in children (she has 3) so those moments are about as rare as 60 degrees in January in Wisconsin, it happens, but don't count on it happening often. 

Last spring, when Ellie was in the hospital, my inner Crazy Mamma called Susan.  At the time, Ellie was sedated and intubated (a tube down her throat).  I believe, and anyone can correct me here if I'm wrong, that when you are intubated you are always sedated because too often the patient will try to rip the tube out if they are not sedated.  Well, Ellie had been intubated for so long that the sedation was not working as well.  She opened her eyes and she started making a funny noise.  At first, I could not tell if she was trying to talk or if she was having trouble breathing (she had had pneumonia) or what.  But, then I realized with sudden clarity and dread that she was actually crying but could not make any noises.  It was one of the saddest things I had ever seen.  I know you can probably think of twenty things sadder than that, but I am telling you if you had been there, this might have ranked at least in your top five or maybe top ten of the saddest.  I am serious.  When they were able to get Ellie sedated once more for a procedure she was undergoing, they asked me to leave the room and I called my sister.  I began to cry as I told her the story.  She was as outraged and saddened as I was.  We both cried together, me standing by the elevator in the hospital.  Then once I had gathered my strength, I went back into the PICU and asked to speak to the resident (the HEAD doctor) to discuss what we could do to keep Ellie more comfortable.  Then the doctors put her on something that made her laugh all the time, no matter what I did as entertainment, and we all lived happily ever after.   

I do think that Susan has just gotten better and better.  She seems to have more fun now, relishing her moments with her children.  She laughs more often.  Sometimes when I am feeling wimpy and in need of a break, I think of Susan how often she has had all 3 children on her own while Ghany is on call or traveling or at yoga.  And she encourages Ghany to do all of these activities because they make him feel so happy.  WOW.  She is one SUPERmom and SUPERsister to boot.

The power of losing

[caption id="attachment_692" align="alignright" width="300" caption="Patrick, Susan, Kip"][/caption]

Last weekend, Ben & I went to New York City as a surprise to celebrate my sister's 40th birthday.   Following is the story of our departure from that glorious, magical weekend. 

When we arrived for check-in, the woman behind the counter informed me that there had been a lot of delays due to weather.  She began feverishly trying to figure out a way to get me home before 11pm.  This woman tried everything she could think of, including switching me to another airline, but nothing was lining up.  She was so disappointed at this that not only did she not charge us for checking in our bag (now a $15 fee per bag),

[caption id="attachment_699" align="alignleft" width="300" caption="Kippy, Ben, & I"][/caption]

but she gave us vouchers for dinner AND she put us in business class seats (right after First Class).  I hadn't yelled or screamed or raised my voice, I just kept telling her how much I appreciated her efforts.  There were a lot of disgruntled passengers waiting in the gate and it did not look as if they had been bumped up to business class.  Like I've said before, and I'll say it again, you get more bees with honey (see blog "You get more bees with honey"). 

Ben & I arrived at our gate because the departure time at that point was tenuous.  As Ben sat and watched a movie and ate a pretzel, a little 4-year-old Indian girl approached us to

[caption id="attachment_700" align="alignright" width="300" caption="Ben liked airports at a very early age. Shown here, Madison Airport."][/caption]

see what Ben was viewing.  She was so beautiful, with the biggest brown eyes, when you looked into them you felt as if you could see the world.  This girl was so full of personality and spunk, I think she may be president some day.  She talked to us (me) nonstop for about 45 minutes.  Quite suddenly it seemed, we were boarding the plane to Detroit. 

When we arrived in Detroit it was either 6 or 7pm and I had that suddenly sinking feeling that there was no way I was going to make it until 10:30pm when our flight departed Detroit.  I thought, what I need is a Green Tea Latte (paid for by a birthday gift certificate I'd received from Tiara Coaching Program!) to perk me right up and make me feel all happy and confident again.  But before that

[caption id="attachment_701" align="alignleft" width="300" caption="Riding the elevator on a previous New York City trip."][/caption]

what I really needed was a cart to help me carry the car seat, 2 backpacks (1 for me, 1 for Ben), coats, and purse.  We walked across a moving walk way and I looked up and there was a cart holder, renting carts for a mere $3.  Of course, we jumped on that offer and were racing to Starbucks, where the Green Tea Latte, did in fact, cure me.

The amazing thing was that Ben & I had an absolutely wonderful time at the Detroit airport, it was our own personal FREE theme park for the evening.  We rode the terminal train back and forth numerous times.  We sat down and had pizza for dinner while his dinosaurs and lizards at leaves from the surrounding plants.  We rode the moving walk ways and escalators.  Then when we started to get tired, around 9pm, we sat

[caption id="attachment_703" align="alignright" width="300" caption="Even the trash cans at the airport are fascinating."][/caption]

down near our terminal, plugged our portable DVD player (the greatest invention for making our travels super easy) and watched a movie.  Never once did Ben complain of wanting to go home or that he was ready to go or that he was tired of waiting.  He was a real little trooper, that guy. 

Before we boarded the plane, I was getting everything packed back up and realized I didn't have one of Ben's favorite toys, a black lizard with orange polka dots or my cell phone.  I raced back to the bathroom where I thought I had left my phone.  It wasn't there.  I asked the cleaning people who were working in the area.  No one had seen it.  The woman who had been in the

[caption id="attachment_704" align="alignleft" width="300" caption="Oh, those Ben snuggles!"][/caption]

bathroom prior to my search tried to call my phone to see if we could hear it ring.  No such luck.  At this point, I needed to get on the plane.  Before I entered the walkway, (is that what you call the area between the gate and the plane, the walkway?)  I asked our ticket taker if she could check and see if a phone had been found.  She was going to call around and see. 

I boarded the plane and got Ben all set up in his carseat and waited, hoping that my name would be called over the loud speakers to come pick up my phone.  I imagined myself jumping for joy at the return of my errant phone.  Didn't happen. 

[caption id="attachment_705" align="alignright" width="300" caption="A not so pleasant airplane moment from a previous trip..."][/caption]

But, as I sat there waiting for the plane to take off, I began thinking of how wonderful it would be to have my phone back, how I truly believe that people want to be helpful and that I would be amazed at how my phone was returned to me.  It was going to be a story to tell (or blog about).  And on the other hand, if I didn't get my phone back, my world would not end.  There were other phones out there (they might not be pink, like mine, however.)

We took off and Ben and I had a great time watching the other planes, the clouds, the air traffic control tower, trucks.  Then we talked and watched more movies.  Five minutes before we landed, Ben fell asleep.  He was in his carseat, so I requested a wheelchair to wheel him in his carseat out to the car or taxi.  I called Thom on a pay phone on the way to baggage claim.  I realized that I was completely out of touch with how to use this piece of machinery.  I picked up the phone and began to put my nickels and dimes in (it costs 50 cents now).  But before I could put all of my money in, a pleasant voice would inform me if I wanted to make a call, I should hang up and try again.  I would not be deterred.  Finally, Thom picked up and informed me that Ellie was in fact asleep and he would be unable to do a pick up.  Ben & I headed for baggage claim where our bags had already been taken off the baggage corral.  A nice, helpful gentleman from one of the car rental places helped me get my suitcase out to the taxi stand so that I could push Ben in the wheel chair.

Seriously, it was one of the most amazing days.  Whenever I thought about something I wanted, I looked up and there it was.  It was as if I had a magic wand to make whatever I wanted appear before my eyes. 

[caption id="attachment_710" align="alignright" width="300" caption="The photo Ben took of his lizard, little did he know this would be his last."][/caption]

Last night, Thom came upstairs to inform me that someone had found my phone and they were sending it back to us and they didn't even want us to send money for postage.  Amazing.  Imagine how much more I will appreciate my pink phone and its little holster when it is returned than before I lost it.  That's the power of losing something.

Oh, by the way, the black lizard with orange polka dots is still at large.  Probably at the airport eating leaves still.  If anyone out there spots it will you please return it to us?

Marching courageously into birthday season...

[caption id="attachment_667" align="alignright" width="300" caption="The March birthday siblings..."][/caption]

 March is filled to the brim with fun birthdays in my family.  Get your calendars ready because here we go.  The 3rd is Kirk, the 6th is me, the 8th is Kip, and the 14th is Susan, the 19th is my mother-in-law's, somewhere in there is my Aunt Suzanne's (could someone let me know when this is?) .  Not to mention the 27th is Ben's (he is already very busy inviting everyone he encounters to his dinosaur birthday party.)  Today my youngest brother, Kirk, turns 30 years old.  However, in my mind he will always be an adorable 3-year-old regardless which birthday has passed.   

As I was thinking of what I wanted to say to Kirk, I was mindful of the fact that Kirk is not one to enjoy being the center of attention or being talked about or blogged about for that matter.  However, I feel I would be remiss if I did not honor him on this momentous day, and hopefully, I will bring him joy rather than irritation through this sharing.  

A few days before Valentine's Day, I heard this song on the radio which so completely captures how fortunate Ellie makes me feel.  I realized as I thought about Kirk today, that part of this song applies to him too.

In my Daughter's Eyes performed by Martina McBride

[caption id="attachment_662" align="alignright" width="300" caption="Kirk & Agogo"][/caption]

In my daughter's eyes I am a hero
I am strong and wise and I know no fear
But the truth is plain to see
She was sent to rescue me
I see who I wanna be
In my daughter's eyes

In my daughter's eyes everyone is equal
Darkness turns to light and the
world is at peace
This miracle God gave to me gives me
strength when I am weak
I find reason to believe
In my daughter's eyes

And when she wraps her hand
around my finger
Oh it puts a smile in my heart

[caption id="attachment_660" align="alignright" width="300" caption="Kirk & Bella"][/caption]

Everything becomes a little clearer
I realize what life is all about

It's hangin' on when your heart
has had enough
It's giving more when you feel like giving up
I've seen the light
It's in my daughter's eyes

 

[caption id="attachment_679" align="alignleft" width="300" caption="According to Jenny, Uncle Hotty and Uncle Looking Good"][/caption]

When I am with Kirk, I do feel like I am a hero.  The two of us have such great conversations, we connect .  He really listens to what I have to say as if I am wise and strong and have no fear.  There is so much more to say, but I know that Kirk would not want me to talk about all of his biness.  I mean, I could talk about how generous he is or how inspires us with his ability to make things happen or what a great friend he is, but I will refrain.  I just wanted to thank him for making me feel like the person I want to be.   I love you, Kirky.