Sheboygan sheybogan sheybogan

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This last summer we decided to take a summer vacation in the state of Wisconsin, preferably within 2-3 hours from our home.  We discovered on our Make-A-Wish trip that we are extremely good at being on vacation, and particularly staying at hotels, so we try to do so as much as possible.  When I was searching around the state of Wisconsin for our vacation destination, I kept coming across this beautiful resort in Sheboygan, Wisconsin.  It was right on the beach of Lake Michigan, only a tad over 2 hours from our home.  The resort had a water park inside and 4 restaurants.  Sheyboygan had a quaint little downtown area (which we do enjoy, the quaint part

[caption id="attachment_639" align="alignright" width="300" caption="Father of photograher."][/caption]

that is) with little shops and restaurants.  AND they had suites that were decorated as a fish aquarium as if you are staying inside an aquarium, with bunk beds and a rock coffee table.  It was wonderful.  And a bit more than what we wanted to pay per night.  Oh well, I moved on, and we ended up going to Minocqua, WI for our summertime fun, with lots of lakes and a very North Woods feeling (I am quoting our friends Paul & Dave for their recommendation).
Well, when we raised money for Make-A-Wish this summer, they were having a drawing for the very resort that kept popping up in my searches.  I had not a doubt in my mind that we would in fact win that 2 night stay at the resort in Sheboygan.  And we did!  Dreams really do come true.

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We decided to celebrate Ellie's birthday by taking our Sheboyagan trip in January.  I figured if we went in January the possibility of being able to upgrade to an Aquarium Suite would go up significantly.  I mean, honestly, who goes to Sheboygan in January?  Apparently we do.  And as my brother-in-law pointed out, Sheboyagan is oh so fun to say.  And how often really do you have the opportunity to pepper it throughout your speech?  It just doesn't come up very often.  Unless you have at trip planned there, that is. 

Before we went, Ben & I were discussing our trip.  I explained to him that we would be sleeping in a "bunk bed".  He said a "vunk bed"?  I said no a "Bunk bed."  He said, a "junk bed"?  I said no, a "Bunk bed".  He just could not quite get what it was and what it was called. 

[caption id="attachment_638" align="alignright" width="300" caption="Fun in the vunk/junk/bean beds."][/caption]

As we were leaving the resort, we asked every one what there favorite part of the trip was.  Now one thing I adore about Ben is how when he is asked his favorite part of something, invariably, he will reply whatever he is doing RIGHT now.  He is so in the moment, he cannot imagine anything being as great as this is right now right here.  Makes it hard to leave.  Ever. 

Anyway, as we were leaving, we discussed our favorite parts of the trip.  Ben said his favorite part of the trip was the bean bag (aka the bunk beds).  Ellie's favorite part was visiting with Betsy C.  Thom's favorite part was watching Ben's legs kicking in the swimming pool as he wore a life jacket and could maneuver himself around the pool for the first time.  Thom also enjoyed spending time relaxing with Ellie in the room.  There were so many favorite parts for me.  Of course there is

[caption id="attachment_648" align="alignleft" width="300" caption="What is a birthday without Betsy C?"][/caption]

always the aspect of vacation of connecting with my wonderful family, not having the myriad distractions of home.  One thing that stood out was deciding to go to the Water Park because so many times in the recent past I would just tell myself that I wasn't a Water Park person and stay in.  But this time not only did I go to the Water Park, but I went down the big scary (to me) slide with the dark tunnel.  I went down it screaming like a little girl.  Fun.  And then I did the other slides too.  Now I consider myself not only an excellent vacationer, but a slider too. 

Now every day or every other day, Ben will ask when we can go to a hotel again.  He just adores hotel life and before we left the resort he could not imagine going

[caption id="attachment_649" align="alignright" width="300" caption="Lizard on infamous rock coffee table."][/caption]

back to our home with all the boring tables, that were not in fact shaped as a rock.  Some how he has survived this travesty, but still wonders often when he can experience the great fun of vacation again.

Big Dog, Little Dog

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When I was a youngster, one of my all time favorite books was Big Dog, Little Dog by PD Eastman.  It was all about 2 dogs who lived together and were exact opposites.  One dog liked fast cars, the other dog like slow.  One dog played the flute, the other the tuba.  One dog liked red, the other green.  I often feel as this favored childhood book has come to life, as if I am living with Big Dog, Little Dog in my house right now.  (My favorite line in the entire book is, "Why make big problems out of little problems?"  How profound is that?  I liken it to using my "easy" button, but that is another blog all together...)

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The differences between my children are tremendous.  As I have mentioned before, I have the great honor and sometimes the great challenge of figuring out how to parent two such unique little people.  Ellie likes quiet.  Ben likes loud.  Ellie likes sitting and talking.  Ben likes running and spinning.  Ellie likes orange and yellow, Ben likes green and blue.  Ellie likes Madonna, Ben prefers the song Now Now Now repeated over over over over over over.  Ellie likes one thing to eat, Ben likes twenty.  Ellie hates the hospital, Ben loves the excitement he finds there.  Ellie hates the rain, Ben loves the puddles.  Ellie likes day clothes, Ben likes night clothes.  The only thing with which they can agree is that I am in fact "the best mom in the whole wide world." 

[caption id="attachment_620" align="alignright" width="300" caption="Ben loves the subway train, Ellie not so much"][/caption]

The other day, Thom took Ben to his Leap Frog Gym class.  Thom said there was a little girl there whom Ben decided needed his attention.  He sat down really close to her.  She protested.  He sat even closer.  She got up.  He got up.  She ran.  He ran.  Thom said it was fascinating because Ben found the little girl in class who would treat him exactly like Ellie treats him.  It got me to wondering how often I choose situations and people based on what I learned at a very young age (I mean, he's THREE for crying out loud!)  Am I picking friends based on how my siblings and I treated one another?  Just because it feels comfortable?  And is that what I want my choices to be based on, what I am used to?  I'm not trying to make a big problem out of a little problem, just wondering, just curious.   

Ultimately, the most excellent thing about getting to parent Ben & Ellie and their differences is that I get to experience being a parent of such two amazingly different children.  On some days it stretches me to the point of breaking, on other days it adds to the flavor and excitement of the moment.

You get more bees with honey

[caption id="attachment_249" align="alignleft" width="300" caption="Ben at the park near Grandma & Grandpa (11/07)"][/caption]

In the fall, Ben was having a hard time leaving the park at the time we needed to leave to pick Ellie up from school.  As many of you know, we had been increasing her time since the beginning of the school year.  She started out the year by only going for half an hour.  So at the park, one of little Ben's most favorite places, Ben, understandably did not want to leave.  He would refuse to get back in his stroller or continue to play when we needed to go.  Well, one day, I decided what I was doing was definitely NOT working, no way no how.  Not working at all.  I decided to try something radically different.  Instead of yelling and begging Ben to leave, I would set my alarm and I would let him know as we came close to the time we needed to leave.  I would also spend the time we were at the park together really connecting with him and having the best time we could possibly have together, rather than watching to clock to see when we had to leave. 

[caption id="attachment_488" align="alignright" width="300" caption="Bubble wrap, now THAT is a good time!"][/caption]

It worked swimmingly.  Once I stopped focusing on what Ben wasn't doing and started focusing on what he was doing--having a good time--and joining him there, things began to change.  And the truly amazing thing is that now when I tell Ben we have 5 more minutes, more often than not, he will say, "Guess, what I am ready to go NOW."  Miraculous.  A little love and understanding goes a long way in making life easier and more fun.

One summer during college, I stayed in Kirksville (the small town where I attended school) for an internship.  I worked at the local library helping to shelve books.  One of the librarians would follow me around the library making sure I was putting everything in its proper spot.  By the end of the day, I was a nervous wreck.  And by the end of the summer I had quit.  Of all the jobs I've had in the past, the ones where I was most motivated by my boss were the ones where the boss showered me with praise and kindness, not the ones who yelled and screamed and looked over my shoulder.  I think the same theory applies to parenting, when I am in the space of connecting with my children, they are much much more willing to do what I want than if I am barking orders, breathing down thier necks.

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I believe that yelling at my children is not the best way to teach them not to yell.  Or that being inflexible is probably not the best way to teach flexibility.  Or grabbing things is probably not the best way to teach not to grab.  I believe that they learn more by example than lectures.  Not that I am always able to adhere to these ideals, but it is something that I aim for.  But when it all comes together, man oh man is it ever magical (see above story for an example...)