Zibbi Gets Bigger

Monday (May 22) was Zibbi's 4th birthday!  When she woke up, I said, "Happy Birthday!  You are now FOUR!" She paused and looked at herself and then told me excitedly that she was indeed bigger.  She just needed to take in the physical proof of my announcement.

A few months ago, Zibbi read a book or watched a show where children were informed they could be anything they wanted to be.  Zibbi then went around telling us she wanted to be a cat or a box or a ring.  Although I don't think this was the intent of the author, there wasn't any stipulation on what she could choose.

During one of her visits, my mom suggested that Zibbi might in fact be my most dramatic child.  I was skeptical.  I mean they have all been dramatic in their own ways.  Then, I too was convinced, when I walked down the stairs to find Zibbi pretending she'd met her demise.  Yep.  She just might win the award for the most dramatic.

Also a few months ago, Zibbi and I were at one of our favorite stores, Trader Joe's.  I was dancing my way through the store as they were playing all the hits Thom & I loved in college.  It was like going to a dance club.  As I was thoroughly enjoying myself, quite suddenly, mid song, the music changed to something completely un-danceable.  I was shocked.  I mean was it ME?  Were they trying to control my unbridled enthusiasm?!?!

Then a week or so later, Zibbi and I once again found us at that magical store known as Trader Joe's.  There were barely any customers in the store.  This time, Zibbi was dancing her way up and down the aisles.  Because, you know, it's the way I taught her we do this particular store.

A surprise wedding!

I'm extremely lucky to have such amazing siblings. When I'm with them, I feel like I am my shiniest, funniest, best self.  One of my best memories is standing around Susan's kitchen reminiscing and laughing.  There was the year Ellie died and I didn't think I could possibly celebrate getting to be another year older while Ellie did not, and Kip suggested we all come to New York.  As I sat in a chair at Kirk's "surprise" birthday party, I began to cry.  (I was a bit of an emotional wreck).  Susan and Kirk sat down on either side of my chair.  They didn't try to cheer me up, they didn't try to change me, they just sat.  It was one of the most profound moments, because I felt like I had these gargoyles protecting me, that even if I felt alone, I was not.  

This weekend, I attended Kip's 40th birthday which morphed into a surprise wedding (with a marching band!).  I don't think of myself as a party person.  More of a sit down and chat over tea or snuggling down with a good book person.  My identity has changed since Saturday night.  I mean, I shouldn't be surprised that Kip Davis Myers and Patrick Kyle attract such amazing friends, as they are spectacular people.  I was shocked at how many times I was introduced as Kip or Kirk's (KT Myers) sister, I would suddenly find myself enveloped in a hug.  I felt like a celebrity.  And I think that's just part of the magic of Kip Davis Myers and Patrick Kyle, they make everyone around them feel the warm glow of celebrity status.  THEY light everyone else up.  I feel a part of an extremely special fan club now, and I'm continuing to bask in the glow of the love we all felt on Saturday night.  One of the BEST nights.  Thank you for including me and reminding me that I am NOT alone.

Half Skips and Bagel Talk

Half Skips

I've realized recently that after 17 years, this is my LAST year being a full time mom.  Next year, Zibbi will start 4K.  I'm equal parts terrified and elated at the prospect of having a few hours each day to myself.  Seems like a lot of pressure.  Knowing I am near the end, makes me treasure these fleeting last moments of togetherness with Zibbi.  Those 3-year-olds, they are such a combination of cute and exasperating.  I always say it's a good thing they are so cute or there would be big trouble.  Here are a few recent Zibbi stories.  

Bagel Talk

This morning, I made Zibbi a bagel (her favorite).  She likes to help prepare them (or anything for that matter).  As she was putting the two pieces together, I heard the bagels say--"Hey, don't squish me!  Hey I have to or we can't be together."  Even her breakfast is super entertaining right now.  

Sock Talk

Which leads me to what happened yesterday in yoga class.  Zibbi became bored of what the teacher was suggesting she do, so instead she collected yoga blocks and socks.  Then the socks proceeded to walk and jump across all the blocks in a fancy dance.  

Half Skip

For some reason, only one side of Zibbi's skip works right now.  So she spends her days "half" skipping around the house.  I'm almost not looking forward to when she actually learns how to do both sides.  

I know these stories seem so trivial and I know they will soon pass from our memories, which is why I chose to remember them here.  

I won!

I wanted to share the posts on Facebook that happened over the 13 days of Ellie this year (the days between January 13th when she died to January 26th her birthday.)  It all started with this post on January 13th...

Six years ago this morning, my 10-year-old died. I remember that night so clearly, I was lying in a bed perpendicular to Ellie's bed. All night long, I could hear her struggling to breathe. And occasionally stopping. At one point, I looked out the window and I just wondered if I could possibly stand to BE in the moment right then. To be present to what was happening. I thought that instead I really wanted to jump out the window. But somehow I didn't. So today, in honor of how much Ellie has enriched my life again and again, I wear a shirt that says, "NOW". As I looked at myself in the mirror, I realized, that backwards, that's WON. Surely during the long long arduous road of grief, "lose" is more the word often uttered. I thought Ellie would really appreciate the word joke of NOW-WON and it made me smile. Thank YOU all for being on my team and helping me "win".

Just a quote...

I recently read My Sister's Keeper by Jodi Picoult.  I fell in love with this quote, "I realize then that we never have children, we receive them.  And sometimes it's not for quite as long as we would have expected or hoped.  But it is still far better than never having had these children at all."

Boys vs. Girls

A few days ago, I explained to 3-year-old Zibbi that boys can stand up to urinate.  She was astounded.  I was shocked, because recently she has been all about how girls are so much better than boys.  She was so excited that she stuttered as she joyously announced how she couldn't wait to grow up to do that.  I think maybe I didn't explain that correctly.  Of course, I couldn't burst her bubble.

Z is for...

This week we stopped in to say hello to Connie, extraordinary sectretary at Marquette Elementary. Zibbi noticed there was a "z" on Connie's nameplate (her last name ends in a "z"). Zibbi was so excited and proud to make this discovery for the rest of the day she told everyone who would listen "Connie starts with z!!"