[caption id="attachment_4779" align="alignleft" width="300" caption="Thom demonstrates how to be on vacation."]
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Last week was our vacation to Faith's Lodge, a retreat center for families who have lost a child. Our trip last year was magical, we loved it. It is so thoughtfully set up, there is a craft's room, a library, a communal kitchen and dining room. Almost all meals are provided.
We arrived on Thursday afternoon and were ushered to our room. I envisioned us being in the same room we were in last year, that didn't happen. That was fine, until the manager told us that we had no bathtub and that the lodge was completely booked. In my head, I immediately thought that this was a deal-breaker for me. The day before Lotta and Ben had taken THREE baths together (partially to counteract the heat, partially because they adore baths). And one of their favorite parts of being on vacation is taking a hotel bath (they pretend it is their own private pool). The first year you attend Faith's Lodge it is $25 a night, the second year it is $120 a night. While it sounds petty, if I am
[caption id="attachment_4780" align="alignright" width="225" caption="At the most amazing aquarium"]
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paying $120 a night I just expect to have a bathtub. There was a part of me that kept insisting that I go with the flow, look for what I like, etc etc And another part of me just felt bummed.
Honestly being a part of a group of bereaved families, not a group I want to belong to. (Probably there isn't anyone who actually wants to belong to this group. This is not saying there was anything at all wrong with the lovely families who were at the Lodge.) There I said it out loud. Doesn't make me look especially good I know. I feel like I have finally reached the space with Ellie where we are establishing our relationship now. One of the benefits of Faith's Lodge is being able to openly talk about your child who has died. Some of the families the death had occurred very recently, so it was all still really raw. I just felt uncomfortable at this point re-hashing all the details of Ellie's life. Sure there are times I want to talk about her life, but it felt as if I were being forced to talk about her life when I was not in the space to do so.
Early Friday morning (3am) I woke up and could not go back to sleep. I got up and started looking at Hotwire for an alternative hotel room. I found a 4 star hotel in downtown Minneapolis (2 hours away) with an indoor pool. After everyone else woke up, I discussed this possibility. I told the manager that we just really needed a bathtub, and that I knew in the big scheme of things this was lame. (I totally get that not having a bathtub in the face of families losing a child is lame. ) She agreed it was lame. Which was awkward, but I forged ahead none-the-less.
[caption id="attachment_4781" align="alignleft" width="225" caption="Lotta loves this aquarium!"]
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We went and ate breakfast and took a walk. It was supposed to rain. The sky had a cloud show for us that was more magnificent than any I've ever witnessed. The sky actually looked like the sea, waves of dark gray rolling over one another. Unbelievable. One of my intentions this year was to see amazing things I've never seen before. I thought this meant going to places I've never been. How surprising to realize I can go to the same location and see something incredibly spectacular and novel. Alas, I did not bother taking any pictures because I knew our craptacular camera would not in any way capture the splendor before us. (Thank you camera for all the pictures you have taken! I don't wanna make her mad and have her stop taking photos all together!)
As we were departing, I reconnected with the manager. She said that she actually could use our room because more guests were arriving that evening and they were going to have to sleep on air mattresses, but now, they could sleep in our space. It all worked out perfectly for everyone.
Upon arriving in Minneapolis, we went and had lunch at the Mall of America. This mall is crazy. It feels like a place you should really experience some time in your life time, not a place that you might necessarily choose, but you should experience it nevertheless. Afterwards we walked through the indoor amusement park to get to the aquarium. Yes, you read that right,
[caption id="attachment_4782" align="alignright" width="225" caption="Ben checks out the sharks swimming above his head."]
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there is an aquarium (a really truly amazing one) AND an amusement park in the mall itself. We decided rather than spend money on the rides, which were a bit big for our kids anyway, we would take advantage of our kid's favorite (and FREE!) mall rides--the escalators and elevators.
The next day we went to Como Park in St Paul which has a FREE zoo, conservatory and a small amusement park. The best part of that experience for the kids was the shuttle ride on a bus painted to look like a zebra. The best part for me was the restaurant which had the best bean burger I've ever eaten plus some Green Tea to help me carry on.
Ben's favorite part of the whole trip was swimming in the hotel swimming pool. I just love watching him, he's so proud of himself. Somehow when he's in the water, he looks younger, more vulnerable. He constantly wants my approval for his water tricks. Which has encouraged Lotta to come up with her own
[caption id="attachment_4783" align="alignleft" width="300" caption="Eating lunch at the zoo."]
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water tricks, like jumping at you from the side after saying, "Ready" (where the "set go" went, I'll never know). Thom's favorite part was the Aquarium tunnel you walked through with lots of shark swimming all around you (the closest we'll get to scuba diving with them here in the Midwest).
My favorite part was not settling. Realizing we wanted something different from our vacation and setting about creating it. I mean it feels wange (weirdly strange) when something that was so very perfect for us last summer felt so very wrong for us this summer. Like trying to wear a favorite sweater that was shrunk in the dryer. Sadly, it just doesn't feel (or look) right anymore. I guess the challenge at times is figuring out when to make the best of things and go with the flow and when to decide to create something different. This time it was fairly simple because I knew from the way I was feeling that something needed to change. I truly loved the contrast of being north woods beautiful natural Wisconsin to being in a high rise glamorous hotel in an urban setting. It was a truly remarkable experience and absolute perfection.
One of the highlights of our recent trip to the Ozarks was water skiing again after a 13 year break. Reminded me how I adore water skiing, gliding across the water makes me feel as if I am strong. Exhilarating. As much as my life has changed over the past 13 years, so has my approach to water skiing. When I used to water ski, I felt as if I were being pulled by the boat, completely out of control, pretty much waiting to crash in order to end my water skiing turn. This time, I still was being pulled by the boat, but I recognized that I had choices. I would look up and see one side of the boat was particularly choppy, so I would move to the other side. I would notice some large waves straight ahead and would bend my knees to absorb the shock. I would notice when I was fatiguing and decide to give the signal to stop rather than wait until I fell. Basically, I was making choices to try to make my stay up as long as possible. This frame of mind, this strategizing made the sport for me that much more rewarding. It reminded me of how my dad and I used to play Othello when I was growing up. When Thom and I purchased the game and began to play, I stopped, stunned. I did not know what was happening, this was not the fun easy going game I recalled as a child. Thom was strategizing the whole game, a technique my father had not employed upon me, I'm sure allowing me to win much of the time, making me think I was actually GOOD at the game, when in fact, I was not at all. I enjoyed living under that delusion.
